True Love
by BeautifulChaos89
Summary: "Tell me you'd rather spend the rest of your life with him instead of me. Look me in my eyes and tell me you don't love me and I'll walk out that door and let you marry him."
1. Chapter 1

This is my first ever story. I'm so nervous. There's a bit of Smallville influence within. I was inspired.

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"Brittany!"

I heard my name being yelled. That voice...it couldn't be. Was that Sant-

She burst through the doors of the church, her eyes locked on me immediately. She was breathing heavily and had tear tracks on her face, though, she wasn't crying at the moment.

"Brittany, you can't do this. You can't marry him."

There was a loud, collective gasp across the church. I started shaking my head slowly. I couldn't believe she was here, telling me what I couldn't do. She was so damn controlling.

"No Santana. You can't do this. You shouldn't be here. Please, just leave."

"You shouldn't be here Britt and you know it. You shouldn't be up there when I'm not the one standing next to you."

My eyes narrowed as I looked at the girl I once thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with me. I was so tired of the back and forth that had always been our relationship. I felt exhausted just looking at her.

"What do you want Sant-?"

"God, Brittany, isn't it obvious?" She said exasperated. "You! I want you. It's always been you." Her eyes bore into mine and I saw so many emotions but mostly, determination. "And I'm not leaving this church without you." She said with finality.

"Are you gonna pick me up and put me over your shoulder like some cavewoman?" I glared at her. "Who do you think you are com-?"

"I'm the love of your life. You belong with me, not this trouty mouth doofus. Tell me you'd rather spend the rest of your life with him instead of me. Look me in my eyes and tell me you don't love me and I'll walk out that door and let you marry him. It would tear me apart inside but I would let you go if I knew that that was what you really wanted."

I could have said that I didn't love her anymore but it would have been a lie. I would always love Santana. She had dragged me through hell and back but I still loved her.

"You can't do it, can you Britt? Just leave his guppy mouth ass up there and come with me. You know you don't want to be with him."

She glanced over at Sam but then quickly returned her gaze back to me. I had forgotten for a second that he was even standing next me. His left arm was wrapped around my waist gripping me as though I would start running towards Santana at any moment. His face showed that he was worried that that might happen but was hoping, for the life of him, that it wouldn't. I honestly didn't know if I could reassure him that it wouldn't.

Because here was Santana, the girl I had been in love with the last four years. Even though I had spent the last year with Sam, she was always on my mind. I was still in love with her. That, I couldn't deny. She was everything I thought I wanted. Now here she is, saying all the things I'd wished she said when we were together. God knows I had wanted to marry her two weeks after meeting her. She could have had me then but now…

"I have given you _every_ chance. I waited for you to get your shit together. I stayed even when you pushed me away. After all the tears and the pain you caused me, I always went back to you. After every break up and your apologies, I was there."

My vision started to get blurry with tears and I could see the ones gathering in her eyes.

"I waited for you Santana." My voice broke as my tears started to fall. "But, no more. I'm done. You had your chance but you decided to break my heart over and over again. It's funny really because you always talked about being a cardiothoracic surgeon. But don't they fix hearts Santana? Sam is a good guy. He wouldn't do that to me. Won't you let me be happy Santana?" I grabbed Sam's hand gave it a squeeze while sending Santana a pleading look.

She started shaking her head. "I can make you happy Britt. I've made you happy before and I can again. If you just gave me the chance. Please Britt, I'm begging you not to go through with this. I'm here now and I can give you everything you always wanted."

I felt my heart get heavier than it already was. She was getting to me but I had Sam.

"I have Sam now. He already gives me everything I ever wanted. He gave it to me from the start."

"I know I was stupid. I was beyond stupid. But I was scared Britt. You have to understand. I had never known a love like ours before. I never had feelings that strong for anyone before you. Those feelings scared me to death and I ran from you time and time again. I was an idiot and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry babe."

"No! You do not get to call me that!" I was mad now. I could feel myself losing this fight with her. I was seconds away from walking away from Sam and running right back into her arms. I was mad at myself but more so at her. "You do not get to burst in here and stop my wedding! Why now. Tell me that Santana. I gave you all the time in the world. Why wait until I'm finally happy?"

The tears were free falling down her face now. But she didn't seem to be giving up the fight. Santana was more stubborn than anybody I had ever known. She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin.

"Because you're not happy Brittany. You know that deep down. You won't be truly happy until we're married and living in the country with our 2.5 kids. You were going to open a dance studio for kids and I was going to be a doctor. That was the future you wanted. That was the future you and I planned. That's the future I still want…with you…only you. We can still have that Britt. All you have to do is come take my hand." She put her hand out in front of her reaching towards me. I looked from her eyes to her hand and back. "Britt…please."

She sounded so broken that it shattered my heart into a million pieces. She had laid it all out. She had poured her heart out in front of all these people. That was a feat all in itself. Santana never opened up to anyone. She barely opened up to me. She hid her emotions and never showed vulnerability. Yet here she was showing her huge heart and putting it on the line…for me.

"I love you. God Brittany, I love you _so _much. I _need_ you. This last year has been hell without you. You are everything that ever meant anything. You are the only thing that has ever made sense in my life. I don't know who I am without you. I mean, I know who I am without you but she's miserable. I don't want to be her. _Brittany…" _

She said my name so softly. There was so much warmth in her eyes. So much love that I couldn't stand it. I closed my eyes. Then she said _that…_

_"…I am, simply because you are._"

That did it. I broke down and started sobbing. I let go of Sam and clutched my stomach. I was feeling so many things at one time and I felt sick. I was dizzy with emotions. My mind kept going back and forth from Sam to Sant-

"Santana!" I looked up when I heard Quinn yell. She had stopped Santana from running towards me. Quinn had opted out of being a bridesmaid. We had become best friends over the years but she and Santana had been best friends most of their lives. They were fiercely loyal to each other and I admired that. I barely heard Sam when he asked if I was okay. My eyes were locked with Santana's. He must have noticed because he was walking towards Santana now. I couldn't see his face but I could tell he was mad. Rachel took his place beside me and put her arms around me to hold me steady.

"You need to leave Santana. She doesn't want you anymore! Don't you get that!?"

I saw it in Santana's face before she even raised her hand. She looked from me to Sam with the meanest glare I had ever seen. Then, she slapped him so hard, she drew blood. There was another collective gasp across the church. Sam raised his hand to wipe the blood from his mouth and then started towards Santana.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Please, just stop."

Everyone looked at me. I was about to end this. I had made my decision.

I looked between Sam and Santana.

"I can't."

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Review and let me know if i should continue. I wanna hear whatever you guys have to say. My tumblr is in my profile. Come ask questions if you want.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Thank you guys so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites! To be honest, I never expected that many. I'll try to update as fast as possible but I have a full time job and other obligations. I hope you guys can be a little patient with me.

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_"I can't."_

I shrugged Rachel off of me and ran to the door at the front of the church. I spared one last glance behind me and met Sam's gaze first. He looked so hurt and I could see he was questioning me. Silently asking what this meant for us. Kurt and Rachel were standing beside each other, eyes wide and jaws dropped. Quinn had the most serene look on her face like she knew this was going to happen and wasn't shocked at all. Then, there was Santana. She looked so heartbroken and seconds from collapsing against Quinn. She was still pleading with her eyes. Begging me to go with her. But I couldn't. I didn't know what else to do, so I ran. I pushed through the door, slammed it behind me, and slid down.

Soon after, I heard Rachel tell everyone that they could go home. Then, someone knocked on the door.

"Honey?" It was my mom. "Honey, just take all the time you need to think about this. It'll all be ok. Your father and I are going to go home. Please call us or stop by whenever you feel up to it."

"Sweetheart, there are two people out there who love you and want to be with you. I know you love them both but deep down you know who it is you can't live without. All you have to do is follow your heart. We love you sweetie."

I started sobbing thinking about what my father had just said. I had decided that I couldn't go through with the wedding. Not with what just happened. Now I had to think about what I would do about Sam and Santana. No matter what I do, someone is going to get hurt, and I don't want to hurt either of them. I love them both so much. My heart is being pulled in two directions. On one hand I have Sam, who's the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever met. He's so attentive and sensitive to my needs. He makes me laugh with his impressions and general dorkiness. He entrusted his big, beautiful heart with me from the beginning. He would be the most perfect husband and father. Then, there's Santana, who's the most infuriating person I've ever met but also the most beautiful. The first time I saw her, she made my breath catch and my knees go weak. Her smile has left me breathless on more than one occasion. As much as she is sexy, she's just as adorable. Watching the way she woke up reminded me of a kitten. But she's also the most guarded person ever. She rarely told me anything about herself. All I knew was who she was when she was with me. And God, the way she loved me when she allowed herself to love me. I've never felt anything so strong. Her love made me feel alive and it wrapped my heart in a warmest embrace.

"Britt?" It was Sam. "If you're listening, I just want you to know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I can't begin to understand what you're feeling right now. I know you love her. But you love me too." I put my hand up on the door and laid my hand against it while closing my eyes. "I love you, Brittany. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm dying over here with the thought that you might love her more than me and you're going to leave me. P-please don't leave me Britt." The tears started flowing again. I wasn't sure when they'd stopped but as soon as I heard the cracks in Sam's voice, I couldn't stop them.

"We can still get married. Everyone left but the priest is still here. So are Kurt and Rachel. _She_ left about five minutes ago." That made my eyes snap open. Santana had left. But why? Had she given up? She had gotten what she wanted. She stopped the wedding. Why would she leave now? No matter the reason, I knew I couldn't marry Sam today.

"Sam?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah baby? I'm right here." He said softly.

"I love you." I heard his breath hitch. "I love you, but I just need some time. Okay?"

He was silent for a long time before he said, "Yeah, okay, whatever you need. I'll be at Kurt's. I love you Brittany."

I heard his footsteps fade and I was left with my thoughts again. Thoughts of how I could possibly hurt a guy like Sam. Samuel Evans was the perfect guy. I knew that he wouldn't put me through half the shit Santana put me through. There wouldn't be buckets of tears shed. Maybe just one…of happy tears. I could definitely see my future with Sam. He would be loving and faithful. We would take walks while holding hands. We would take road trips and go to Comic Con. We'd have three kids…two boys, one girl. He'd teach the boys to play football while I taught my girl to dance. He would teach them his impressions and read them comics as bedtime stories. I smiled to myself as I imagined my future with him. Yeah, I could live with that. Sam was my safe bet.

Rapid knocks to the door pulled me from my imagination. It was Rachel. She was the only one I knew who knocked that fast.

"Brittany, everyone's gone. Can you let me in please?"

I knew Rachel wouldn't leave me alone so I got up and opened the door. She gave me a once over, shook her head and opened her arms. I quickly fell into them and started sobbing.

"Oh sweetie, I've got you." She cooed. "You're okay. You're okay. Everything's going to be okay I promise."

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I don't know how long Rachel stood there holding me while repeating her mantra. After a while, she suggested she bring me home. On the ride, she was very quiet and I was grateful. I had a major headache. I couldn't put up with one of her monologues. Or hear her pros and cons of choosing between Sam and Santana. I just wanted to sleep and forget this day had ever happened. But, it seemed fate had other plans for me.

After Rachel unlocked the door and let me in, I heard someone say _finally. _I snapped my head up and Santana was standing in my living room. She looked a nervous wreck but still somewhat determined. She had come to fight for me. I didn't know how I felt about that. I was still wrestling with my emotions. I was so mad at her but still very much in love.

"H-how did you get in here?" I asked.

"I um…I kind of picked the lock." She actually had the nerve to look bashful.

"Santana, that's breaking and entering. I should call the police on you. You shouldn't even be here. Don't you think you've done enough? Why must you insist on hurting Brittany every chance you get? You're no good for her Santana. Why don't you do us all a favor, leave, and never come back?"

I snapped my head to Rachel. That was too harsh.

"Rach-" I started.

"No, she's right. I'm just going to go. I'm sorry, Brittany." Santana stopped me and started to walk past me but I grabbed her hand before she could walk out the door.

"Santana. Stay, please." I looked into her eyes and pleaded for her to stay. She stared back into my eyes…searching. She must have found what she was looking for because he gave me a quick nod and backed away from my hand.

"Britt-" I held up my hand to stop Rachel.

"Rachel, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" I said more than asked with a hard look.

She glanced at Santana and then looked back to me.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" She asked.

I looked back at Santana who was standing awkwardly by the couch twiddling her fingers. Adorable.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I said looking back at Rachel.

She looked like she didn't believe me but she turned and left anyway.

I closed to door behind Rachel and rested my head against it. I felt exhausted and emotionally drained. I took deep breaths trying to still my nerves. The last time Santana and I was alone, we had a heated argument and even hotter sex afterwards. I didn't know if I had the strength for this conversation but it needed to be had. So with one last deep breath, I started to turn back to Santana but she was already there. With her hands on either side of my head, she rested her forehead between my shoulder blades.

Oh so softly, she whispered...

_"Britt."_

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**AN: **Another cliff hanger, I know. I'm sorry. The next couple of chapters, I was thinking I could do flashbacks. I could show Brittany and Santana's relationship. Then, Brittany's relationship with Sam. Or I could just keep going from here. The story would just be shorter. I wanna hear what you guys think so review and let me know. Oh, and I'll try to make the chapters longer.

P.s. This is a_ Brittana _story.

Thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you guys for reading and sticking around. I'm sorry about the wait but the next chapter is almost done so it won't be too far behind. I'm still debating about the flashbacks. If you haven't given me your opinion on that, please do. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.

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I was still standing against the door, Santana's head resting lightly on my back. I don't know how long it had been since Rachel left but being this close to Santana was seriously getting to me. We weren't really touching but it was enough. I felt her breath on my spine and smelled the vanilla mixed with just a bit of cinnamon. Her scent overwhelmed me with both happy and sad memories. I remembered the times she'd hug me after a shower when the scent was strongest. I remembered all the times we'd lay tangled on the couch watching t.v. I remembered waking up with my head nestled into her neck. When we'd get in bed at night, I'd curl up behind her with my nose in her hair. She was the last thing I smelled before I fell asleep and the first thing whenever I woke up. But, there was always the whiff I'd get when she'd brush past me to stomp out the door and slam it behind her after an argument. She'd come home later smelling strongly of alcohol but there was always that little hint of Santana underneath. Sometimes she wouldn't come home until the next day so I'd put on one of her shirts and sleep on her pillow. It was hard to fall asleep if I couldn't smell her. And now, as that smell invaded my nostrils, all I wanted to do was turn around and hug her. I didn't realize how much I had missed it.

She smelled like home.

My feelings were all over the place but there was no denying, that in that moment, those minutes of us standing like that…

Santana had won.

She had pulled me right back into her. I was completely wrapped up in the warmth she had always seemed to radiate. She was barely touching me, yet flooding my soul. My body ached to be touched by her. I wanted her hands on me…around me. I wanted her to spin me around and slam me against the door like she always did when I dared to try and walk away from her. I wanted her to kiss me hard and claim me. I wanted her to take this decision out of my hands because it was just so damn hard. My mind was telling me to be smart and choose Sam but it seemed my heart had already chosen Santana. And like Santana, my heart was stubborn, and wanted what it wanted.

I heard her inhale and felt her exhale slowly. It sent chills down my spine and tingles between my legs.

"You should get out of that dress." She whispered. My mind immediately went to the gutter. I thought about all the times Santana had undressed me. All the times we'd make love where she'd undress me slowly and gently. Then, there were times she'd rip my clothes off and have me climaxing the next minute. I felt a slight throb at the thought. "I mean, if we're going to talk, you should be comfortable." She continued.

Oh.

I was about to turn around so I could go and get dressed butthen she brought her hands from the door, and put them on my waist. Slowly, she slid one hand up to the zipper on my dress and started to pull it down.

_Oh_

I started to get light headed. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath as the knuckle on her index finger glided down the expanse of my back. When she was done with the zipper, she started to tug my dress down until it was loose enough to let drop to the floor. Slowly, I stepped out of it and then my shoes. I felt like I was on autopilot.

I felt Santana put her hands back on my waist. I felt her get closer and closer until she planted her lips at the base of my neck. She held them there a few seconds before lifting them and laying them a little lower. My breathing started to get erratic. Those lips of hers were so soft and _wet._ She pulled back after a minute and then she turned me to her. I just stared at the floor. I could feel her eyes rake across my body. I was nude except for some black thongs. Her stare was making my body warm all over and causing goose bumps to rise on my skin. She took her left hand and put it where my neck met my shoulder. Oh so slowly, she let her fingertips glide down to my collarbone. Then, she turned her hand over so that her knuckles brushed down the valley of my breast to my stomach. I was holding my breath again. She had gotten closer. I felt her breath on my chest. I exhaled as her fingers made contact with my thong and slipped in a little. My heart beat started to speed up as I felt the softest kiss at my collarbone.

"I've missed you _so_ much." She spoke softly against my neck before laying a butterfly kiss to my pulse point. She ran the fingers of her right hand up and down my spine. Her left hand still lingered around the top of my thongs, her fingers going in and out. "You have no idea how many times I've thought about kissingyou like this again." She moved down to lay open mouth kisses along my neck and collarbone. "How much I've thought about _touching_ you like this again." Her fingers finally dipped all the way into my underwear. I jerked into her hand. My heart started to race with excitement as Santana continued to arouse me. I was throbbing and wet with want. Her finger slid over my clit and I shuddered. She gasped. "Britt, babe, you're _so_ wet." I knew I should have been stopping her but I was stunned with the force of how much my body wanted her. I was close to exploding already. "You're dripping into my hand." Her voice was raspy and pure sex. This wasn't supposed to be happening. We were supposed to be talking and this was cheating; I was still with Sam. "God, Brittany, I want to taste you _so_ bad." I gasped as she slipped a single digit into me and then pulled her hand out. I watched as she brought that same finger up to and into her mouth. My jaw dropped and my knees started to shake. Her right hand tightened around my waist to keep me on my feet. I watched as she slowly pulled the finger from in between her pouty lips. I was still looking at her finger when she put it under my chin to lift it up. Finally, my eyes connected with hers but my gaze quickly went back to her mouth. I wanted to kiss her so bad.

So, I did.

Her lips went unmoved for about five seconds before she responded with fire. She was kissing me so fast and so deep that I felt her tongue in my throat. I felt a gush of liquid between my legs. Soon, I was being slammed back against the door; Santana's body pressed tightly against mine. "Oh, God." As soon as she slid her thigh into my center, I broke the kiss as my head flew backwards into the door. I felt Santana kissing my neck and her right hand was gripping my ass. I started grinding against her leg with abandon. I knew this was wrong but I couldn't think straight. Santana was now sucking one breast and pinching the nipple of the other. I should have been pushing her away but my hands wound up in her hair pulling her closer to me. I should have stopped it but I was so close to my orgasm and it felt so good.

It felt _right_.

But before I got there, there were three rapid knocks to the door followed by two more. My eyes flew open and locked with Santana's. Both our chests were rising and falling rapidly. She stared at me wide eyed begging me not to open it. I sent her an apologetic look as I gently pushed her away from me. I had to open the door. It was Rachel and if I didn't open it, she would be worried. She also had a spare key.

"Brittany?" I heard Rachel through the door.

"Just ignore it." Santana pleaded.

I shook my head. "I can't. It's Rachel. She won't go away if I don't open the door. She might even let herself in and she'll see us like this."

Santana looked annoyed but nodded. I stepped around her and started walking towards the couch where I kept a blanket. "Just a second Rachel!" I called over my shoulder. I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around me. I didn't look at Santana as I passed her to open the door. Before I opened it though, I glanced back and saw her sit down on the couch.

When I opened the door, Rachel jumped back a little like she had been trying to listen to what was going on in there. Her eyes narrowed as she took in my appearance, then they widened almost comically but nothing was funny about this. I knew what she was seeing and what she was realizing. I knew my lip stick was smudged and my hair was tousled.

"What are you doing here, Rachel?" I asked before she could ask me the same thing, yet she still did.

"I came to bring you this." She shoved my phone into my hand. "Your _fiancé_ has called and text. What are _you _doing Brittany?" She whispered harshly as she looked me up and down and waved her hand towards the living room.

"I-we…" I sputtered. "Santana and I were talking." I got out.

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously before saying, "Well, I hope you have plans to _talk _to Sam soon."

"I do. Just not tonight."

"Why don't you just leave, Berry? We were in the middle of something." Santana said from the living room.

She glanced into the living room before looking back at me. It was like she was looking straight through the blanket I had over me and knew that I was practically nude.

Finally, she looked into my eyes. "I sure hope you know what you're doing Brittany." She turned to leave but over her shoulder, she threw back, "Remember, that a person isn't who they say there are in any one moment. They're who they've always been." With that, she stepped down the steps, got into her car and was gone.

I closed the door and turned back towards Santana. She was sitting there with her hands in her lap, looking up at me. Looking at her, I started to think about what Rachel had said. Had Santana changed? Would things be different between us if I chose her? Or would our relationship be exactly as it was before? Did she just come here to have sex with me? As I thought about that last question, I started to get mad. I was so stupid letting her come in here and put her hands on me like that. Did she think she could just come in here, give me an orgasm, and I'd choose her? Santana must have sensed the change in my demeanor because she got up and started making her way towards me.

"Britt-"

"Why are you here Santana?"

"I told yo-"

"Why are you here Santana!?" I snapped. She stopped.

"Britt-"

"Did you just come here to fuck me!?"

"No! Brittany, that's not-"

"Did you come to prove to me that Sam can't fuck me better you can? Huh? Is that it?"

She started shaking her head. "No, Brittany. I came to prove to you that Sam can't _love _you better than I can."

I scoffed. "I think Sam's already proven that he can, Santana."

Santana looked shocked and hurt at my words and then, gave me the most incredulous look.

"Is that why you were just kissing me, Brittany? Was that you showing me how much _Sam_ loves you? Was that you showing me how _satisfied _you are with fish lips?" She asked with quiet rage.

She got me. I didn't have an answer for her. I just started walking towards my bedroom.

She grabbed my arm before I could walk past her. "Brittany?" I stopped and turned around.

"I'm going to put on some clothes. We need to talk, not have sex. Can you make some coffee? Everything's on the counter in the kitchen."

She looked at me for about a minute before she nodded and said, "Okay."

I turned back around and walked into my bedroom. I closed the door and leaned my head back against it. I don't know what was up with me and doors today. I felt like my head had cleared a little since I wasn't in Santana's immediate presence. I realized what a mistake I had been about to make. What the hell was I thinking? Oh, that's right, I wasn't. Oddly, I felt at peace. Whenever Santana and I would argue, after all the yelling and tears, we'd just hold each other and say nothing. It was the calm after the storm. As feisty as Santana was, I was equally subdued. But, there were rare moments I'd get mad and that anger wasn't aimed at her. All she'd have to do was touch me and I'd melt into her. The anger would just flow out of me.

Santana was my peace of mind.

I pushed off the door and walked towards my dresser. I pulled out some pajamas, not realizing they were Sam's, but I put them on anyway. I grabbed one of my own t-shirts and pulled it on. I walked back towards the door while taking deep breaths. This was going to be a long night.

What do you do when your peace of mind is the cause of your insanity?

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A/N: I would really like to know you guy's thoughts on that last question Brittany asked herself. What would you do if your peace of mind was the cause of your insanity? Is that even possible? Review and let me know. Leave your thoughts about the story so far too. Suggestions if you have any also. Your reviews are my motivation.

Until next time :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: As a reader of fan fiction, I understand that sometimes it's annoying when writers ask for reviews. But, as a writer, I understand the need for criticism. I have 63 follows to this story, let me know what you're thinking please. Talk to me people. I don't bite, I promise. ;)**

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When I got to the living room, Santana was sitting on the love seat with a coffee cup cradled in her hands. She was staring straight ahead with a far away look in her eyes. She hadn't noticed me yet so I took the opportunity to take her in. I hadn't seen her in a year. Her hair was long. Longer than I had ever seen it and jet black as it always was. It fell in waves way beyond her shoulder. She wore a simple black tank top along with skinny jeans and flip flops. She loved California weather and this was her usual every day wear. Her arms were toned and she was more tanned. I could tell she had been working out and jogging, though, her face seemed rounder. In fact, she seemed curvier, I definitely spotted _ass _when she went to sit on the couch. Her pouty lips were plump and swollen from kissing me so hard. The first time I laid eyes on her, I knew I wanted to kiss her. I had to. And then, there were her eyes, those deep, milk chocolate brown eyes that drew me in and looked straight through to my soul.

She was as beautiful as she had always been.

At some point, I didn't realize, Santana had snapped out of her thoughts. She cleared her throat and I snapped out of my mine. Her lips curved into a well-known smirk. I had been caught staring. My mouth lifted into a small smile before I made my way over to the lazy boy beside the love seat. I couldn't take the risk sitting so close to Santana. After I settled into the chair, she handed me my own cup of coffee.

"Thanks." I said.

"No problem."

There was an awkward pause as we sat there looking into our coffee cups. Finally after a few minutes, Santana broke the silence. She put her mug on the table in front of her and looked up at me.

"I'm so sorry, Brittany." She started. "If I hadn't been a complete _ass _when we were together, none of this would have happened. You would have been marrying _me. _I'm not sorry about stopping the wedding because you were about to make the biggest mistake of your life. I'm sorry for hurting you so bad when we were together."

"You don't think you hurt me today, Santana? You waited until I was minutes away from saying _I do_, to a good guy no less, to confess your feelings. Then, you have the nerve to break into my apartment and put your hands on me like I'm still yours."

"I'm sorry for that too. It's just that…" She paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "You just looked so breathtakingly beautiful in that dress."

As soon as those words left her mouth, I started to blush. She never did have a problem with making me blush. Santana charmed my panties off in less -. _Stop._ I had to steer the conversation back to what was important before we ended up naked on the couch.

"You know, after you've said _I'm sorry _so many times, it's kind of lost its affect."

She nodded her head. "I know but honestly, when I was saying it back then, I was just trying to hold on to you as long as possible."

I should have known.

I scoffed. "So I'm supposed to believe you when you say it now?"

She nods her head. "Yeah, Britt. I mean it now. Now you don't have to settle. You can have what you really want if you give me another chance." She said encouragingly.

I shake my head. "You're unbelievable Santana. You literally burst back into my life expecting me to just drop Sam and come running back to you. Who the _fuck_ do you think you are?" I was getting angry. "You really think it's that simple? Sam is a great guy and I'd be lucky to be his wife."

Santana looks at me perplexed before she says, "I'm the one you want to be with though, Brittany. Aren't I? You still love me; you can't deny that." She says while shaking her head.

"No, I can't but, I love Sam too. It's been a year; I've moved on. Maybe you should too." I felt a flash of jealously run through me at that thought.

Santana looked puzzled, like she couldn't believe I was telling her that.

"I haven't been with anyone since you. There's no one else in the world for me. Don't you get that? You're _it._ You get me. You understand what I need without me having to tell you. You came back every time I was an asshole and pushed you away. You loved me despite myself. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I've never wanted anything more than I want you. More than I want _us._ You're it. You're the one for me, Brittany."

That hit me right in the heart. My chest got really heavy. It felt like it wanted to burst out of my chest and run straight to Santana. But, I couldn't let it, not that fast.

"You knew I was marrying Sam. I know Quinn told you. Why'd you wait so long?"

She looked downed and stayed silent for a minute.

She looked up when she gathered her thoughts. Her eyes were filled with tears and my heart constricted a little. "When Quinn told me he proposed, I couldn't breathe. I hoped with her next sentence, that she would tell me you had said no. Her next sentence _killed _me_, Brittany." _The tears started their trail down her face. Brokenly, she said, "You said yes. I wanted to rip my heart out of my chest, it hurt _so _much. It literally felt like it had shattered and the shards were piercing my lungs. I couldn't catch my breath." Santana let out a sob that shot straight through me. I wanted to hug her so bad but I couldn' a few minutes, she pulled herself together and continued. "I was going to let you marry him. I told myself that you were better off. I saw how unhappy I made you. I knew I was hurting you but I couldn't stop it. I knew Sam would treat you right. I knew he was a good guy and I knew that he would take care of you. I was going to let you go so you could be happy."

"So what made you change your mind?" I asked.

"When you left me, I knew that was it. You weren't coming back. You were going to find happiness. But, I missed you _so_ much. I was drinking and smoking. I almost got kicked out of med school. Quinn was fed up with me and about to give up on me. I almost lost everything, not just you. I had to hit rock bottom to finally start getting my shit together. I knew that it couldn't get any worst so I started trying to make it better. I had to lose you to realize what a true dumb asshole I had been. So I got better and I realized that I could be that person for you. I knew that I could make you happier than Sam ever could. I was… am that person you knew was always here inside of me." She put her hand on her chest. "That person I showed you glimpses of but never let all the way out."

I had to admit… it felt really good to hear that. That person she was talking about was adorable, hilarious, and out-going. She was spontaneous and the most romantic person in the world. She made dinner and lit candles. She ran bubble baths for me. She laid rose petals on the floor in a line leading to the bed where more rose petals made a heart. She gave me massages after dance class. She was protective, caring, and loving. The Santana that hid that beautiful person wasn't horrible but she wasn't all good either. She was quiet and withdrawn. She got angry easily and snapped for no reason. She said and did things purposely to hurt me when I got too close so I would run away from her. She was unpredictable. Honestly, I was scared of her. I couldn't be too sure that Santana had changed. I still saw a little bit of that person in the church. The demanding person who slapped Sam.

"Somebody told me I had to be absolutely sure that I was ready to be that person for you. They said that I had to be ready to tell you everything. I had to be sure I could be a better woman than Sam was a man to you. I was scared that if I came to you before your wedding, you'd just reject me and then marry him anyway. I didn't build up the courage until today. I knew it was my last chance." She finished.

"Truthfully, I don't know what I would have done had you come to me before but I'm glad you're allowing that beautiful person out so people could see what I always saw. That's great, Santana, I'm proud of you." I said sincerely, "But, you're too late. I'm happy now. You were right about Sam and you made the right choice by letting me go."

Santana looked simply bewildered. Her lips were parted and her eyes, wide.

"Why are you fighting me on this? Why are you acting like I didn't do you a favor by stopping that wedding!?" She exploded.

"You didn't do me any favors! I never asked you to stop my damn wedding!" I shouted back. I took a deep breath. "I'm still marrying Sam. You just delayed the inevitable." I tell her calmly. I honestly didn't know if I would still marry Sam one day. I was fighting her because I couldn't let her walk in here and just demand that I get back together with her. I had made it so easy for her before and she kept hurting me, knowing she could get away with it. A part of me wanted to believe that Santana had changed but Rachel's parting words left me in doubt. I wasn't going to make this easy for her.

Santana's jaw dropped and disbelief flooded her facial features. Then, the most indignant look followed.

"Are you serious? Brittany, you can't marry him!" She said, raising her voice.

"And why can't I Santana? Why… because you come in here, tell me you love me and that you've changed? You have done nothing but hurtme Santana. You have no idea. Take how you felt when you found out I was marrying Sam and multiply it by a thousand. You _destroyed _me." I said lowly while pointing my figure at her.

"Brittany, I-"

"And now I'm supposed to leave the guy that put me back together and actually makes me happy because _now _you want to be who I wanted you to be _then!_?" I say, raising my voice.

Before, her eyes were blazing holes into my head. As I said that, they softened and she looked down.

"I couldn't." She stated softly. "I couldn't be who you wanted me to be then. God, I was so fucked up then. I should have never gotten with you; I was no good for you. But, I couldn't stay away from you. Brittany…" She looked up at me. "You were the only thing that made sense in my life. You brought sunshine and happiness back into my life. Things that had been missing since I was a kid. I didn't deserve you but I _needed_ you."

"What's changed, Santana? After a year, you're miraculously a better person?"

"Yes, Brittany, I am. I'm seeing someone now." My eyes narrow. She has a girlfriend? She caught on. "Not like that. I've been seeing a therapist."

That confused me. Surprisingly, it hurt a little too. She didn't have to see a therapist. She had me. Why didn't she just talk to me?

"Santana, I was there for you. You could have opened up to me. We could have worked everything out." I said.

"I didn't know how to tell you what I had done. I didn't think you'd look at me the same. I couldn't take the risk then."

I was confused. What did she do? Did she step out on me?

I voiced my thoughts. "What did you do? Did you cheat on me?"

Her face scrunched and she shook her head. "No, Britt, I would never cheat on you. I know there were times I almost crossed the line with other girls but I never went that far. I swear." She says shaking her head.

"So what did you do?" I ask.

She looked down and away from me. Whatever it was, I could tell she was seriously struggling with it. She looked up as I yawned. She took the out.

"Maybe we should talk about this some other time. That's like the fifth time you've yawned in the last twenty minutes."

Had I really yawned that many times? I was pretty tired but I didn't want to stop talking to Santana. She was finally opening up, and now it seemed she was shutting down again.

"I promise I'll tell you everything tomorrow." She paused. "You're not going to marry Sam tomorrow are you?" She asked sounding close to panic.

"No-no, if I decide to still marry Sam, it won't be tomorrow." I tell her with a tight smile.

She let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. I'm just going to go then." She says while standing up.

I really didn't want her to leave. I put out my hand in front of her to stop her. "It's kind of late. You can stay, if you want, and we could talk some more in the morning."

She looked at me for a few seconds before her lips lifted into a small smile. "Okay, I'll stay. But, only if you make your special chocolate chip pancakes."

I laughed a little before I nodded my head. "I'll see what I can do."

Sometimes I thought the only reason Santana wanted me around was because of those pancakes. She absolutely loved them. The first time I made them for her; she had a food-gasm and jokingly asked me to marry her. Every time I asked her what she wanted for breakfast, it was always the same answer.

"Let me get you some sheets for the couch. Are you okay with using that blanket?" I nodded to the blanket I had used to cover me.

She looked over at it before saying, "Yeah, that's fine."

"How about some pajamas?" I ask while heading to the linen closet in the hall.

"No thanks, I'll be fine." She says as I come back.

I sit the sheet and pillow on the couch and clap my hands together in front of me. "Well, I'm just going to go to bed. It's been a long day."

"Yeah. I'm sorry." She says again.

I just nod my head a little. "Goodnight, Santana."

"Night, Britt."

* * *

I lay in bed with a million thoughts running through my head. I knew who I wanted to be with but there was one thing she didn't know. I didn't even know for sure. And I had to know what she had done. After about two hours of tossing and turning, I finally get up. I walk softly into the living room and over to the couch. I make out Santana's form and notice her breathing is irregular. I should have known if I couldn't sleep, she couldn't either. She's laid on her side facing the back of the couch with her knees almost curled up into her. She finally looks over her shoulder at me. Her eyes are a little red like she's been crying. My heart clenches at the thought. She looks at me for a few seconds before she lifts the blanket up. An invitation. I hesitate a little before climbing onto the couch and under the blanket. She had gotten out of her jeans. I don't hesitate to curl into her with my knees tucked tightly behind hers, my pelvis into her ass, and my arm wrapped around her. She grabs my hand and tucks it into her chest. I rest my head on the pillow behind hers with my nose in her hair and I'm immediately sleepy.

Home.

"I was going to ask you to marry me, you know." She says softly.

"And I was going to say yes." I say while drifting off to sleep.

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**A/N: Would you readers like a chapter from Santana's point of view? Please Review :)**

**To JC: Thank you for sharing that with me! Are you guys okay now?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm blown away by the response to the last chapter. Thank you so much! I'm really nervous about this chapter! It feels kind of rushed to me too, I don't know; let me know what you think. I read over this pretty fast so all mistakes are mine. **

Growing up, I had it all. I was an only child to two loving parents and we lived in a huge house in suburban Lima, Ohio. I had a nanny named Consuela who took care of me while my parents worked. Consuela was one of the sweetest women I've ever known. She came from Puerto Rico with my abuela and abuelo right before my mom had me. She moved in with us when my mom went back to work after her maternity leave was up. She would play hide and seek with me and sing me Spanish lullabies when she tucked me in at night. With her accent and voice so smooth and gentle, she put me right to sleep. My mom let her plant a garden in the backyard. When I was old enough, she would let me help. During the spring, we'd sit amongst the flowers with lemonade and she'd tell me stories. I'd ask her a million questions about everything and sometimes she'd give me answers; other times, she said there were things I had to learn on my own. She's the reason I never turned into a spoiled brat. "Never take anything for granted, Santana, it could be gone in the blink of an eye," she told me, "be humble, little one." She never had to tell me again. I loved her dearly and held her so close to my heart. She was the perfect substitute for my parents.

My parents were very successful in their careers. My dad was Adrian Lopez, one of the best pediatric surgeons in Ohio. People entrusted their most treasured possession in the hands of my dad. He saved the tiny humans. I thought my dad was a rock star. If there was one person, I looked up to in this world, it was him. He was always giving me talks; life lessons, he called them. He'd tell me about his patients sometimes and what he had to do to make them better. I listened with rapt attention. I wanted to be a rock star like my dad. Sometimes he'd come home with a grave expression on his face. He'd give my mom a kiss on the cheek, me a kiss on the head. Then he'd hug me real tight and for a long time before he went into his office and closed the door. I learned later on, that those times was when his patients didn't make it. I felt sad for him and the families of the deceased kids because he had let them down. But, I knew he didn't mean to and I knew he tried his best so he got to keep his rock star status.

My dad wasn't the only rock star though. My mom, Maribel Lopez, was one in her own right. My mom was a published author and a professor at Ohio State Lima. She got her Masters degree in education from Ohio State University in Columbus where she met my dad. My mom has had four books published and I've never even read them. But, at a young age, I knew that that was reason to be proud of her. By the time I started going to school, I was way ahead of the other kids. She taught me everything and I excelled in school, so much so that they wanted me to skip grades. My mom said no though and I didn't want to anyway. That would have meant leaving Quinn behind and she was my best friend.

I met Quinn Fabray one day in a park near my house when I was seven years old. Consuela and I would take walks there when the weather was nice. Turned out, she lived right down the street from us and had just moved to town. Quinn and I had so much fun that day and I didn't want it to end. At one point, we had a run in with Noah Puckerman and Finn Hudson when they tried to take the swings from us. I punched Noah in the nose and Quinn kicked Finn between his legs. I walked away from that park with a loyal, best friend for a lifetime. That night, I gushed about my new best friend to my parents and about a week later, we had our first sleep over. The first of many nights we shared secrets and watched Disney movies. Quinn and I did everything together; she even took swimming and dance lessons with me. Quinn's been there through everything, love and loyalty unwavering. There aren't many people in this world I'd die for; a total of two, and Quinn's one of them. She has saved me from myself so many times, I owe her my life. She was there when Consuela and my parents no longer were. She was there when I needed her and more importantly when I didn't even know I needed her.

My life was kind of perfect. My parents gave me everything I wanted but I never, not once, took them for granted. When Consuela taught me how to pray, I thanked God for them every night. I thanked God for Quinn and Consuela too. I was doing great in school where Quinn and I ruled with iron fist. By thirteen, we had turned into a fierce duo with more confidence than our class knew what do with. We were beautiful and we knew it. At fourteen, we were making out in my room. "Practicing for boys" is what Quinn called it. She wanted to be perfect at everything. I didn't mind because secretly, I liked it a lot. I found out just how much I liked it when I finally had my first kiss with a boy. Of course it was Puck and Quinn kissed Finn. Why she picked the two dumbest boys in our class, I have no idea. After the first kiss with him, I realized that I liked kissing Quinn way more. Later, after a lot more kisses with a lot more boys and girls, I realized why. I was gayer than a unicorn sitting atop a double rainbow.

Before I got a chance to tell my parents about that, my life started going to hell. I woke up early one morning to my parents arguing. I didn't realize what was happening because that concept was so foreign to me. Quinn's parents argued some but my parents _never _argued. And this wasn't a _little _argument, they were practically yelling at each other. When I realized what they were arguing about, my heart sunk. Consuela was sick, like_ really_ sick. Apparently she needed heart surgery or she'd die and Consuela didn't want the surgery. She felt like she was ready to die whenever it might happen and if she got the surgery, there was a chance she'd die on the table. She didn't want to feel like she was signing her own death certificate. I started to shake in my pajamas. My dad was supporting Consuela's decision and my mom was livid. She wanted my dad to talk to Consuela and suggested that he actually do the surgery. My dad flat out refused and told my mom that it wasn't her decision and he wouldn't talk Consuela out of it if that was what she wanted to do. At that moment, my dad started to lose some of his rock start points. I didn't want Consuela to die and I ran to her room to tell her as much.

To my surprise, she was actually sitting up in bed. When she saw me, she gave me a weak smile. I ran to her bed and jumped into her lap as gently as I could. I didn't even get a word out before I started bawling. Consuela just rocked me back and forth while humming my favorite Spanish lullaby and I fell asleep. When I awoke, the sun was out and I went looking for my dying nanny. Consuela was sitting in the garden staring off into space. I sat next to her and waited for her to start talking.

"Santana, I'm old. I feel that it is my time to go and I'm okay with that. I've lived a good life. I know you want me to get the surgery but I know my old heart couldn't take it and I'd rather die on my own. I've lived a happy life here with you Santana. It has been my pleasure to watch you grow up. You have a big heart, you're sweet, funny and you're going to find a good girl to settle down with. You're going to go places and do great things. You don't need me to be there; you're strong, little one." She wrapped her arms around me and I cried until I couldn't anymore. I knew I couldn't change her mind. How she knew, I liked girls was a mystery that wasn't important enough to ask her about. Instead, I asked her what she was like growing up. I asked her about growing up in Puerto Rico. In the next month, she told me story after story and I spent every minute I had with her. One night, when I woke up in her bed, I knew something was wrong. I rolled over and tried to wake her up but she wasn't responding. My tears welled up and ran down my face like an unstoppable waterfall. I put one hand against her chest where her heart was and the other I placed on her face. "Ninera, wake up. Please wake up." I cried softly. She didn't move. "Y-you h-have to w-wake up. Y-you can't l-leave me." I was practically choking on the lump in my throat. "I love you! You can't do this to me! We weren't done yet!" I started yelling because Consuela still hadn't woken up. A minute later, my parents rushed in and pulled me away from her. "No! She can't be d-dead! She can't-" Sobs wracked my body as my parents held me. We buried her the next week.

I was sad and depressed and my parents were doing something worse than the all the fighting they had been doing. I spent most of my time in Consuela's garden. Sometimes I felt like she was sitting there with me and I felt a little bit happier knowing that she hadn't left me completely. My parents weren't even talking to each other and barely talked to me. It's not like I wanted to talk to them anyway. I didn't know who these people were anymore because _my parents_ didn't act like that. I spent that summer at Quinn's house away from them. Seeing them fight was breaking my heart and I couldn't take it. Quinn was the _best_ best friend in those three months. She distracted me when I needed to be and she let me cry on her shoulder when I needed that too. When I went back home, my house was cold and I didn't feel the love and laughter it used to hold. It's like Consuela took all the warmth and happiness with her to the grave. My dad rarely came home and my mom was crying nonstop. Apparently he was having an affair but my mom didn't want to leave him, or rather, she couldn't. I thought my mom was a strong a woman and my dad, an honest and ideal man. Everything I knew and believed about love, I learned from them. I started to doubt every belief I'd ever had.

I can pin point the one night that rocked my world and sent it spiraling down a hole. Somebody broke into our house on a night that my dad decided to stay with his mistress. He had completely lost his rock star status in my eyes. I'm sure he was still saving the little humans but he had left his own family to die. A week and a half after that night, I went to stay with Quinn. Her parents had no problem taking me in; I was like a second daughter to them. Though, when I moved in with them, I was nothing like I was before. I was depressed and bordering on suicidal. Quinn tried to watch me twenty-four hours a day but she didn't really need to. I barely moved and I never said a word to anyone, not even to Quinn. I think I was still in shock; shock at what I had done. I really couldn't wrap my head around what had happened. It's like I was stuck in my own mind, running around trying to figure out what happened or if it was just a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to kill myself though. I had decided to be a cardiothoracic surgeon so other kids could keep their nannies. I wanted to save people from that pain. It was almost unbearable for me. Consuela was right about me. I was strong and I was going to get through everything I was going through. I was going to go on to do great things. I have the Fabrays to thank though. They were the greatest foster family I could have asked for. And if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have graduated from high school or gotten into Stanford. With time, I was doing better but my heart was far from being healed.

* * *

Quinn and I couldn't wait to leave Lima and we decided to stick together so she came to Stanford with me. She figured it didn't matter what college she went to, she wanted to be a writer. "I can write anywhere and Stanford is where you'll be so…" I wasn't ready to part ways with her yet anyway.

I met Brittany the summer after our freshman year. Quinn and I were lying on the beach tanning. Well, Quinn was tanning and I was girl watching; hot blondes in bathing suits. Talk about being in heaven. I stopped these two particularly hot chicks on their way to the water; I asked them if they ever had a Puerto Rican between their legs before and invited them to my room. After being slapped, _twice, _I heard laughter behind me. Turning my head, I was met with a blue eyed blonde, who was having a laugh attack at my expense. "I'm not even sorry, you totally deserved that." She said through fits of giggles. I couldn't form words so I flipped her off and started walking back towards Quinn.

About a month later, I ran into her again. Apparently her best friend Sam was a student at Stanford also and he and Quinn knew each other. What a coincidence. I was still kind of peeved that she had laughed at me but I couldn't deny that blue eyes was hot as fuck_. _And me, being me, I asked her out. She laughed in my face again. "You really think I'd go out with you after that day at the beach?" She asked rhetorically and walked away from me. That was it, I had to have her. Nobody turned down Santana Lopez. I bribed Quinn to get her number from this Sam guy and I called her. She hung up on me the first twenty times but I was persistent. I found out from Quinn that she was a dancer and I researched all the dance studios in the area. Yeah I was bordering on being a stalker but I needed to get this girl. It took about a month but I finally saw her walk out of one of the dance studios. I asked her out again and she turned me down. I kept trying though. It took almost a god damn year for her to say yes. We had become friends somewhat. But I still had to bribe her. I told her I'd stop asking if she just went out with me once. She agreed. Let's just say, I worked my Lopez charm and I was in her panties the same night. Lopez struck again but I couldn't deny I had felt something.

I hadn't intended for it to go far because I definitely wasn't girlfriend material. It was better to fuck and duck because if they stuck around long enough, they'd see how fucked up I was and eventually leave anyway. So, I left them before giving them the chance to leave me. But Brittany was just as persistent as I had been and I didn't have it in my heart to be a bitch to her at the time. So, we started dating. I realized pretty quickly that Brittany was the most beautiful person; inside and outside, that I had ever met. She was innocence personified and being with me was going to end well for her. The first couple of months, I tried to break it off, but she would just tell me to stop pushing her away so I stopped. I would have done anything for her. Eventually I fell in love with her and it scared the shit out of me. I was torn between being a bitch to her so she could leave before this got too deep and just basking in the happiness I was feeling. I didn't even realize that I was happy because I hadn't truly been happy since before Consuela died. I couldn't deny that it felt good, like _really _good. I surprised myself when I pretty much told her I loved her first.

"I want to tell you something but I don't think I can."

"Try."

"I-I…I can't."

"Please." She whined

"Okay. The whole thing is 8 letters."

She was silent for a minute before saying, "I want to tell you something too. The whole thing is 9 letters. Well, 8 letters and a number."

After that, I knew I was done. I couldn't hold myself back from loving this girl. She inspired in me, a love so deep that I couldn't describe it. It was so powerful that it overwhelmed my every thought. It took a hold of my heart and wouldn't let go. It stopped beating for me and now beat for her. My heart ceased to be mine as she held in in her warm and soft hands. She was a dream I wouldn't dare believe but I was going to hold on to sleep as long as I possibly could.

Things were great the first year. We hung out all the time. We talked and we laughed. We went dancing and she even helped me study. She and Quinn got along great and things were looking up. We moved in together and got a dog. I even bought a ring. I fought the voice that told me I wasn't good enough for her. The second year was rockier. We were arguing more and I had made her cry for the first time. She started asking about my family and I really wasn't ready to go there yet. I needed her to stay with me. The voice was more insistent, telling me that I didn't deserve to be loved the way Brittany loved me. I didn't deserve love at all. The third year, Brittany broke up with me so many times, I lost count. We were broken up more than we were together. The voice had won. It had succeeded in convincing me that I wasn't good enough for Brittany. I was drinking more and being a complete bitch to her. I kept hurting her and pushing her away hoping she would do what I didn't have the courage to. I had decided that I couldn't keep doing that to her but I didn't have it in me to break up with her either. One day I came home and her bags were packed. I didn't even try and stop her from leaving. She hesitated before walking out the door like she was waiting for me to say something but I couldn't. I just wanted her to be happy. With the demons on my back, I couldn't be the one to give her the happiness she deserved. So, I let go.

**A/N: Be real... did you hate it? There weren't really any details about their relationship because Brittany is going to let you in a little deeper. I just wanted to give you a little insight into what Santana's past was like and what she was thinking. Let me know your thoughts, good and bad.**

**You'll find out what Santana did next chapter, I promise. But, in the meantime, does anyone have any guesses?**

**Review please! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm so happy you guys are sticking around, you have no idea. I was nervous about last chapter but I'm twice as nervous about this one. Hope you enjoy. Let me know your thoughts, yeah?**

* * *

I awoke on my side with my chin resting on Santana's head. She had turned at some point in the night and was now tucked tightly into me. There wasn't an inch of space between us and I was completely comfortable in her embrace. With one leg wrapped around me and her right hand fisting my shirt, she looked like a kid that was scared someone would take their favorite teddy bear while they slept.

She was holding on for dear life.

The fact that I didn't want her to let go, didn't shock me. Once I allowed Santana into my life, she made her home within my heart. Where would I go without her? Even with my bags packed, I was still hoping that she'd stop me from walking out the door. After everything, I still wanted her to fight for me. I wanted her to tell me what was eating at her so I could help her. When she didn't, I was heartbroken. Even though I left, she had removed herself from my heart way before I would have kicked her out. I wanted her to hold on to us the way she was holding onto me now.

But she let go and I had to follow suite.

Sam had to help me out with that part because I didn't know where to start. Santana was my life. How do you extract someone from your life who, up until recently, you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? I still wasn't sure I really wanted to give up on her and half of me just wanted to run back to the apartment and back into her arms. But Sam was there to stop me and he convinced me that Santana wasn't worth it. He told me that I had cried enough tears over her and it was time to move on. The other half of me - the half that _hated _Santana for causing me to hurt like that - agreed with Sam. I didn't want to love Santana anymore. So when Sam said that if Santana loved me, she wouldn't have hurt me the way she did, I believed him. I believed him because I had to. If I wanted to let go of Santana, I had to believe that she never loved me.

It wasn't as hard as I thought I'd be. All I had to do was remember all the times she snapped and yelled at me. I remembered all of our fights and the way she cursed at me. I remembered how I felt every time she shut me out and every time she left the apartment, not returning until the next morning. I remembered the Santana who punched holes into our walls when she didn't want to talk about something. I remembered how scared of her I was in those moments she got super mad. I remembered the one time she raised her fist to me when I pushed her about her family. I didn't believe Santana would actually hit me but I flinched. She just looked shocked as tears started to roll down her face. She left the apartment and stayed away from me for a week. I didn't immediately go after her because I didn't want her to think that was ever okay and I knew she was safe at Quinn's. When I finally did go to her, she fell into my arms and started bawling and chanting _I'm sorry_ through broken sobs. She told me that she wasn't ready to talk about her family and I said that it was okay. When I suggested she take an anger management class, she agreed.

I could tell, early on in our relationship, that there was something bothering her. It was easy to see the weight she carried on her shoulders. I always wondered about what it was but she had crafted an unbreakable wall to hide it all. Santana had a tortured soul and she wasn't talking to anyone, especially me. The longer I stayed with her, I got close enough to start chipping at her wall but never made it all the way through. Santana never talked about her family. I asked about her parents, but she just said that they weren't around anymore. When I asked if they were dead, she looked somber and never answered the question. When I asked Quinn, she confirmed what I had already figured. Santana's parents were indeed dead. I started to ask her more questions but she just said that it wasn't her place. I understood.

When I told Santana I wanted her to meet my family, she freaked out. That started our first really serious argument as a couple. I knew whatever Santana was hiding, had something to do with her family because that shouldn't have started an argument. That should have been a really great next step in our relationship. Instead, it pushed us back a few steps. Santana and I would be cuddling on the couch and my mom, dad, or sister would call. Not long into the conversation, Santana would get up and leave to room. It irritated the hell out of me and when I confronted her, it resulted in me breaking up with her. After about ten days of me ignoring her texts and calls, she showed up at Rachel's to apologize and told me to take her to my parents. Santana charmed them the same way she charmed me and my sister Ashley, loved her. I thought things would get better and it did for a while but…

Santana moved a little and I lifted my head to if she was still sleeping. She was. It was easy to remember _bad _Santana but the Santana lying in my arms, was _my _Santana. The Santana who bought me flowers and was determined to get me to go out with her. The charming, yet sweet girl, who made love to me the same night. Looking at Santana now, as she slept, I remembered why I absolutely _loved _this woman. That day on the beach, when I first saw her, I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. After that day, I had written her off and judged her before I got to know her. When she started chasing me, I got to know her pretty fast. I found out that she was resilient and persistent but also funny and loving. She was confident bordering on arrogant but behind that, she was the most adorable girl I'd ever known. After only two weeks, I was smitten.

Santana could be the kindest and most hilarious person when she wanted to. When the clouds that usually hung over her head gave away to sunshine, Santana was as bright as the sun. She was silly and all the crazy ideas I had, she thought were genius. She was so protective and caring. When Lord Tubbington died, she held me all night as I cried and helped me bury him in my parent's back yard. She even sang a song for him.

**"Lord Tubbington, you're dead and gone**

**And even though we didn't get along**

**I'm gonna miss you buddy**

**But now Britt and I are gonna get a puppy**

**Britt misses you already because she's had you since she was 11**

**But I'm going to take care of her now so you don't have to worry while you're in cat heaven."**

I didn't think it was possible to fall even more in love with her but… I did.

She was supportive and patient with me. Whenever I'd choreograph new dance routines, she was eager to help me out. She taught me how to cook and started teaching me to play piano. She understood the way I thought and got all my jokes. She was so romantic and loving. We would take long walks on the beach holding hands and talking. When she'd talk to me about what she was learning at school, her face would light up. She was so passionate about fixing people's hearts. I had so much admiration for her because of that. When I'd bring up our future, she'd get quiet and squeeze my hand tighter. I told her I wanted to marry her, move to the country, and have 2-3 kids. She'd just nod and say, "Whatever you want Britt Britt." I believed that Santana would give me the world if she could; she just had to get over whatever it was that was holding her back.

"Britt…"

I jumped a little as I heard Santana's voice, raspy from sleep.

"Hi." I said looking into her eyes.

"Hi." She whispered back.

We lied there for a few minutes just staring at each other before I snapped out of my trance.

"I'm going to go make those pancakes, okay? You can shower if you want. I have some sweats in the bathroom already."

"Okay."

* * *

Santana walked into the kitchen looking refreshed in my sweats that were too big for her. She sat on a stool at the kitchen island as I sat a plate of pancakes in front of her.

"Thanks. You really didn't have to." She said as she looked up at me smiling.

"I wanted to and you're welcome. So, you enjoy while I go shower." I replied while walking backwards to the hall.

Fifteen minutes later, I walked back into the kitchen to find Santana staring at the refrigerator.

"I almost had a sister." She said quietly. She was looking at a picture of me and Ashley when we were little.

"Yeah?" I asked, surprised she had mentioned family.

She looked back at me with a sad smile. "Yeah." She whispered before turning back.

"I bet you would have made an awesome sister."

"Maybe." She said as her shoulders slumped. She turned away from the fridge and sat back on her stool.

I stood across from her. "What happened?" I asked softly.

She was looking down when she took a deep, shuddering breath.

"When I was fifteen, I shot and killed my mom."

My jaw dropped open as I gasped and brought my hand up to my chest. She did what? Santana looked up with tears in her eyes to gauge my reaction.

"Santana… you…?" I stuttered. I couldn't believe what she had just said.

"It was an accident, Brittany, I swear. Some_ asshole_ broke into our house."

Santana pulled herself together before she started telling me what happened.

_After using the bathroom, I opened the door to my mom scaring the shit out me. _

_"Santana, someone's in the house and it's not your father. I think they cut the lights." She grabbed my arm and started pulling me to my room just as we heard a bang downstairs. _

_"Mom…"_

_"I need you to get under your bed and call 911, Santana. And stay there." She said as she pushed me into my room._

_"But mom…."_

_"Just do as I say mija." She whispered harshly as she closed the door on me._

"I should have listened to her but I wasn't going to hide like some pussy while someone stole all our shit. I called 911 but I didn't stay in my room. I went to my dad's office and got his gun and a flashlight. I started looking for my mom but she wasn't upstairs. I slowly made my way downstairs." She started shaking her head. "It all happened so fast."

_I finally made my way to the last step. It was so quiet and I was on edge. I didn't know where my mom was and I didn't know if this punk in our house was armed or not. Suddenly, I heard a crash to my right that scared me and caused me to drop my flashlight. Half a heartbeat later, I heard my mom scream, "Santana!" I didn't think before I fired three rounds into the living room. I heard a man's groan followed by a crash. My heart sunk when I heard a soft thud and an even softer "Santana." Oh god, not my mom. I quickly picked up the flashlight and shone it into the living room. Some guy was laid out on the end table with blood smearing his shirt. I found my mom curled up in front of the couch. As I made my way over to her, I heard the cops in the distance. When I reached her, I crouched down and my fear had been confirmed. I had shot my own mom. _

_"Mom…" _

_"Santana…"_

_I couldn't see anything so I grabbed my mom under her arms and dragged her outside where the street lights lit up the porch. I sat down and pulled my mom into my lap. Her head rested in the crook of my left arm and I put my hand over the bullet wound on her abdomen._

_"Just hold on, mom, help is on the way. P-please." I begged as I rocked her back and forth. _

_"Santana-"_

_"No! No, I know what you're going to say. Don't you say goodbye. Don't you dare." I told her with tears flowing from my eyes. _

_"Santana, listen to me." She begged as she lifted her hand to my face to make me look at her. "I'm not going to make-"_

_"Yes you are. Mom, you just have to hold on a little bit longer, okay?" I tried to reassure her._

_"M-mija, I'm d-dying and t-this is not your f-fault. D-don't you believe for o-one second of y-your life that it was." My mom said, looking deep into my eyes. _

_I nodded my head. "S-so that's it t-then? You're g-going to l-leave m-me now too, h-huh?" I asked. My heart was being squeezed in my chest. I was literally shaking with the realization that my mom was dying in my arms. _

_"I'm s-sorry honey. S-so s-s-sorry." My mom's words were starting to slur and I knew her life was fading from her fast. I wrapped her up in a bone crushing hug. "I l-love y-you, Santana."_

_A sob ripped through my body and out of my chest. "I love you too, mom. I'm sorry." I cried into her neck. _

"When the cops showed up and pulled her away from me, s-she w-was… she was… d-dead."

I couldn't stop my tears as my heart ached for Santana. I couldn't even imagine losing my mom and she had her mom die in her arms. Even worse, she had been the cause of her death. I was starting to understand why Santana had been so closed off. To deal with that…

I rushed around the island and wrapped Santana in a hug. She relaxed into my arms and started sobbing. I rocked her back and forth for a few minutes while whispering in her ear, "I'm so sorry you went through that, Santana. But, it wasn't your fault, you know that right?"

Through sobs, she said, "b-but my d-dad…" She stopped and started shaking her head against my chest.

"It's okay, Santana." I whispered into her hair and placed a kiss on top of her head.

"No, it's not." She pulled back from me, looking into my eyes with the saddest expression I'd ever seen on her face. "H-he… _blamed me." _She said incredulously like she still couldn't believe it.

I shook my head. "He had no right to, Santana. It wasn't your fault."

"But I pulled the fucking trigger, Brittany! I put a fucking _bullet _in my own _mother_! It was my fault!" She exploded off of the stool. "He had _every_ right to blame me." She said more calmly. She let out a humorless chuckle before saying, "And I thought I got through this shit in therapy."

"Where was you dad that night, Santana?" I asked.

"At his whore's house." She sat back on her stool before looking up at me. "Yeah, he blamed me but it was as much his fault as it was mine. I know that and I told him as much."

_My dad pulled up just as the ambulance was taking my mom away. He got out and a cop approached him. After a few moments, his eyes found me sitting on the steps of the house. He looked shocked, sad, and guilty at the same time. A minute later, he made his way towards me. I thought he was going to hug me but he stopped two feet away from me. I looked up at him as he leaned down. His eyes narrowed and bore into me as he said lowly, "What did you do? How could you shoot you own mother." To say I was shocked was an understatement. I was too hurt to even say anything back. I just started crying as he turned away from me, disgusted._

"In the few days leading up to the funeral, he didn't even talk to me. He dropped me off at the Fabrays and planned the funeral by himself. He didn't even pick me up to go to the funeral with him. I was surprised he even let me walk through the doors of the church. He didn't even acknowledge me. God, that day was so hard. I had lost my mom and my dad was being a dick. Thank God I had Quinn. She held my hand the entire time. She gave me the comfort my dad should have been giving me. Burying my mom was one of the most painful things I've ever had to go through. Even so, I thought I had made peace with myself when I laid two roses on her coffin. I didn't think it was my fault, but my fucking dad…"

_After the funeral, the Fabrays dropped me off at my house so I could get my clothes and things together. Apparently my dad was selling the house. A few hours into my packing, I heard a car pull up and I looked out the window; it was my dad. I heard him come into the house and I thought he was going to come talk to me. After about a half an hour and he still hadn't come up, I made my way downstairs. He was sitting on the couch with his head in his hand. He was crying. Even though he had been an ass, my heart broke for him. I had lost my mom, but I somehow forgot that he had lost his wife. _

_"Dad…" I said quietly._

_His head jerked up. "She's g-gone. She's really g-gone." _

_Silent tears made their way down my face. I felt his pain. We shared the same pain._

_"I'm sorry, da-" _

_"You should be sorry!" He yelled at me as he rose off the couch. I flinched and took a step back. "It's your entire fucking fault."_

_I shook my head. It wasn't my fault. "I wasn't the one fucking someone who wasn't his wife while leaving his family in danger." I yelled while pointing at him. _

_"I didn't shoot my fucking wife. You did!" He replied back, taking a step towards me. _

_"I was trying to protect my ho-" _

_"Good fucking job, Santana! You tried to be a hero but only succeeded in killing your mom and little sister."_

_Whatever retort I had was immediately forgotten. My mom was pregnant?_

_"Yeah, your mom was pregnant." He said, answering my silent question._

_I felt like he had punched me in my gut. I felt fucking horrible. Not only did I kill my mom, but my unborn sister too. My tears started flowing faster down my face. I felt sick as I grabbed at my stomach and backed up to the wall. My knees were weak and my legs started shaking. My dad didn't even give me a chance to recover. I watched him sit back down on the couch before my gaze shifted to the floor._

_"You're right though, Santana. It wasn't just your fault. I should have been here and I'm sorry. I've been blaming you because I couldn't handle being part of the reason the love of my life and unborn daughter were dead. I had to put it on you because if I didn't I would have done this the night it happened."_

_I looked up when I heard a noise that made bile rise up into my throat. I met my dad's eyes as he brought the gun to his head. My eyes widened as I stood frozen. _

_"I failed you, Santana. I failed your mom and your little sister too. I could never forgive myself for what I've done. I love you, mija. I'm sorry." _

_My brain finally realized that what I was seeing was real. I pushed off the wall and screamed, "Dad, no!"_

_Time seemed to slow down as I reached my hand out to him. As my dad pulled the trigger, I closed my eyes and heard the shot that I couldn't stand to watch. I stood there for the longest time with my eyes closed before I threw up everything that lay in my stomach. My body heaved even after I had nothing left. My body was wracked with broken sobs. I couldn't catch my breath as my heart struggled with the loss I had endured. _

My heart broke for Santana as I watched her hold her hand to her chest.

"T-that… c-coward. That fucking coward… s-shot h-himself in front of m-me. My own d-dad, Britt." She said as she thumped her fist to her chest. "After everything I had been through… after Consuela, my mom, and the news of my little sister… he fucking _killed _himself." Santana lowered and shook her head letting her hair fall to block her face. "H-how could h-he do that do m-me?"

I stood there shaking, watching Santana fall apart before me. It all made sense now. I stepped forward and pulled her into me once again. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and dug her fingers into my flesh.

"B-Brittany, I'm so s-sorry. I l-love you so m-much." She mumbled into my chest. "I pushed you away because I knew that at some point, you'd leave me. Whether you found out what I did or if you d-died like everyone e-else." She said more clearly as she looked up and into my eyes.

I shook my head as tears fell from my eyes, "I wouldn't have left you, Santana. I won't ever leave you again."

"But, Britt…"

I put my finger on her lips. "No buts. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded her head and rested it back on my chest.

* * *

I held Santana like that for a long time. She sat on that stool leaned into me, listening to my heartbeat. It wasn't anything new for us. She used to say that I was too good to be true. She would tell me that I was a dream and she dreaded the day she woke up. She said listening to my heartbeat made her believe I was real.

A little while later, I heard a key in the door. I rolled my eyes because Rachel really did have the worst timing. As I looked towards the door over Santana's head, it opened.

Imagine my surprise when it wasn't Rachel… but Sam.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Hated it? Loved it? Review Please :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for the wait but here it is. I think this may be what you guys have been waiting for.**

* * *

I was still holding on to Santana and actually had my lips on her head when Sam walked in. His eyes immediately found mine and I gasped. Santana whipped her head up to look at me and then towards the door. I felt her tense in my arms and I watched as Sam's gaze left mine and met hers. His face held a blank stare as Santana's held a whole bunch of emotions I couldn't sum up into one. Santana shifted in my arms and I watched Sam's eyes roam down our bodies, seeing how close we were. A few seconds later, his eyes flittered back to mine. Shock, hurt, and disbelief flashed across his face.

With a tilt of his head and eyes narrowing, "You slept with her?" He asked but it sounded like more of a statement.

"Sam-"

"Did you?" He cut me off.

"I'm gonna go." Santana finally broke her silence and started to pull away from me.

"Wait, Santana." I said as I pulled her back into me.

She pulled away from me again and glanced at Sam. "You guys need to talk."

"But, Santana…" I lowered my voice and leaned into her, "what does this mean for us?"

She grabbed my hands and looked me in my eyes. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying so much. She looked so vulnerable. I wanted to keep holding on to her. She needed me to keep holding on to her.

"I laid all my skeletons out before you. It's up to you, Brittany. But, no matter what, I will _always_ love you."

Tears fell from my eyes as Santana dropped my hands and walked past me. She locked eyes with Sam before dropping her head and walking out the door. I watched her all the way to the door before it closed behind her. I wanted to run behind her, to stop her. It felt horrible watching her leave in the state she was in but I knew I had to talk to Sam.

Sam stepped into my line of vision and I realized I had been staring at the door. I looked into his eyes and saw the unshed tears lingering. It was obvious he had heard me and Santana's quiet conversation.

I shook my head. "I didn't sleep with her. I mean, we slept together on the couch but we didn't have sex."

He walked up to me and sat on the same stool Santana had been sitting. He grabbed my waist and pulled me in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his head on my chest. It was instinct that made me wrap one arm around his shoulder and run the other through his hair. It was the same position that Santana and I had been in mere minutes ago.

Sam felt comfortable but it wasn't home.

I squeezed him tighter to me and laid my lips on his head. Not a beat after, Sam's shoulders started to shake and his whole body started trembling. Sobs ripped through his body and I felt my body quake as it tried to hold him together.

"Brittany, I'm s-so scared." He said through his tears. "I c-can't lose y-you."

"Sam, I-I don't-"

Suddenly he lifted his head and looked into my eyes. "P-please don't leave m-me."

My heart clenched as if Sam had squeezed it with his own fingers. I was pretty sure my heart had followed Santana out the door, yet… Now I didn't know anymore. Sam had done nothing wrong. He's been perfect and Santana… she's been through so much. Now that I knew, it didn't make up for everything she put me through but, I understood now. Was I crazy wanting to leave someone who I knew wouldn't break my heart for someone who has broken it repeatedly?

"Sam, I don't know what to do." I said as I cupped his face in my hands. "I love you and her."

He shakes his head. "I know you do, Brittany. But, she's no good for you. I would never hurt you the way she has. I wouldn't hurt you at all."

"I know, Sam. But, it's not… she's different now."

He gently pushed me away from him. "You really think so?" He let out a humorless chuckle. Santana hasn't changed. She stopped our wedding and slapped me. Arrogant, controlling, and violent… yup, that sounds like old Santana."

"She's been through al-"

"That's no excuse. We all have our issues but Brittany, the way she treated you was horrible."

Sam knew better than anybody the ins and outs of my relationship with Santana. He was the one I cried to when we'd get into it. He was always there to hold me even though I knew he felt kind of awkward. I've known Sam my whole life. When we were fifteen, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. I thought who better to be my first boyfriend than my best friend. He was amazing but I suggested we break up when we graduated. I was going to Julliard and he was going to Stanford. I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship in case our long distance relationship didn't work out. He reluctantly agreed.

A year later, I got an offer from a dance company in LA. I was so excited to be reunited with Sam that I didn't even think about the possibility of us getting back together. When I got to LA, I met Quinn and I thought she and Sam would be good together. Sam had other plans. He proposed to me about a month after I got there. I couldn't believe it and it crushed me when I told him I couldn't. When I was in New York, I realized that Sam and I would be better off as friends. It put a heavy strain on our relationship so we decided to give each other space. That's when I met Santana.

When things got better between Sam and me, I started telling him everything about Santana. I told him the good, the bad, and everything in between. Sam was my rock. He dried my tears after every argument and made me smile. I knew it was kind of unfair talking to him about her but Sam was all I had. I didn't have anybody else to talk to and he didn't seem weird about it. He even asked about what was going on in our relationship and gave me great advice when I needed it. He didn't bash Santana or try and encourage me to break up with her. He just listened and held me. Sam's a good guy like that.

When I did leave Santana for good, he said and did everything I needed to get over her. He picked up my broken and bruised heart and put it back together. Without Sam, I knew I would have run right back to Santana. I would have given her my heart again and again only to gain it back broken and struggling for life. I leaned on Sam after that. We went out and did everything together. It was like we were high school sweethearts again. He was so sweet and romantic without even trying to be. I kissed him first. After being almost miserable with Santana, it felt so good to be with Sam again. Without Santana in the picture, I forgot why I didn't get back with him when I first got to California. I depended on him to make me happy and he never failed me. That's why after a year and he proposed again, I said yes.

But now… I realized that I was just settling for Sam. I was marrying him for all the wrong reasons. There was no spark, no fire between us. It was safe. I was supposed to be happy but deep down; I knew that no one made me happier than Santana. Even though she hurt me, I still felt so loved. When she let herself be, she made me laugh like no one else; not even Sam. She was a dork and she was adorable. Not to mention, she was more romantic than Shakespeare himself.

"She wasn't horrible all the time. She told me what she had been through. I understand now."

Sam stands up off the stool and pulls me back into him. "So that's it? You just leave me and run back to her?" He asks with tears in his eyes.

I tear away from his gaze and look at the floor. This was it; I had to make my decision. I loved Sam but he wasn't the one. I was being pulled toward Santana like a magnet. I always felt that pull but now I didn't want to fight against it anymore. I didn't have any reason to. If Santana had told me everything before, Sam never would have had a chance.

"I _love_ her." I say as I look back into his eyes.

He closes his eyes and I watch as the tears slowly roll down his face. He lets out a sob before dropping to his knees in front of me. He sits back on his feet and hangs his head.

"W-why can't y-you pick me, choose me_, love me?" _He asks as he looks up with teary, red eyes.

And God, why can't I? My heart hurts so badly for him. I feel so awful and I know it's probably only a fraction of what he's feeling. I can literally see his heart breaking and it's killing me.

"I made you happy right? What did I do wrong? What can I do to fix this? Please tell me, Britt. What can I do to make you stay with me? Because Brittany, I _need_ you to stay with me." He says through broken sobs.

I break down at his words and the tears start falling fast. I kneel down in front of him and grab his face in my hands.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Sam. You were perfect. I couldn't have asked for someone better to be my boyfriend." I say with sincerity looking into his eyes.

He shrugs his shoulders and sniffles. "T-then why?" He asks.

"Because… you're not _her_." I tell him gently. "She's the one for me."

"But what about us and our future we planned?"

It was another blow to my heart thinking about all the promises I had made Sam. The perfect future I had showed him we'd have was never going to happen. I had promised him me and Santana's future but now, I couldn't imagine that future with anyone but Santana. I wanted to marry her, have kids, and grow old with her.

"You get to have that future with someone else now, Sam. Someone who'll love you the way you deserve to be loved… someone who won't give you their heart when it already belongs to someone else."

Sam lets out another sob. "I-I love you so m-much, Brittany."

"I love you too, Sam. I'm just not _in love_ with you and I'm so sorry." I tell him gently.

He starts sobbing again and I pull him into me as I rock him. I try to hold him together like all the times he held me together but I can tell he's too far gone. I've broken him and it's going to take some time for him to get through this. I know he will though, because Sam's strong and he's going to realize that it wasn't meant to be.

I was meant to be with Santana. I believe that now more than ever. She's the love of my life and my peace of mind.

* * *

After leaving Brittany's house, I got some coffee and decided to take a walk to clear my head. I had told Brittany everything and it felt so good to get it off my chest. She didn't look at me disgusted like my dad had… like I thought she would. She told me it wasn't my fault and held me together as I fell apart in her arms. It astounded me how much love I felt in her arms. I was over the moon about her still loving me after she finally knew. I had completely underestimated Brittany and her love for me. I was so stupid to believe that she'd leave me if she knew. She had given me hope.

But then, fucking trouty mouth had to interrupt our moment. Honestly, I had forgotten he was even still in the picture. But when I saw him, I came crashing back down to earth. Brittany was engaged and she almost married that asshole. That meant something. Brittany didn't play with people's feelings and that meant she really did love him. She saw a future with him like the one she had given up when she left me.

I started feeling worst thinking about her and Sam. He definitely had the advantage. They had a history I couldn't even begin to compete with. They've known each other since they were five years old and have been best friends all their life. He's treated her like a queen and worshipped the ground she walked on. I, on the other hand, didn't open up to her and made her cry. Anyone knowing us would say that Sam was the obvious choice.

God, I was such a fucking idiot. I really tried to hold off my demons but they were too strong. While I was trying to fight my demons, I had become Brittany's. I tried to be who I was before everything but, I let what I had done get in the way. Brittany brought out the good in me and I knew that she was too good for me. I thought I was saving my relationship by keeping my secret to myself but the longer I kept it in, the more it tore me apart inside. And in turn, it tore our relationship apart.

Thinking about everything now, I still don't think I deserve someone like Brittany. I'm a murderer. Even though I never intended to, I still did. I killed my own mom and ended my little sister's life before it even had a chance to begin. I'm going to carry that around for the rest of my life. Maybe now it wasn't weighing me down anymore, but that's something I'll never forget. Maybe one day I'll be at peace with all this, but it won't be anytime soon.

Sam's everything I'm not and he's perfect for her. He'd give her an amazing life. I should have let her marry him. He's the perfect guy, what straight girl wouldn't want to be with him? He knows her better than he knows himself. He has the biggest heart of any guy I've ever known and he wouldn't hurt her. He'd treat her right and be the stand-up guy that he is. He wouldn't dare raise his fist to her the way I did. He wouldn't leave her at home crying her eyes out thinking that she wasn't good enough for him when really, it was the other way around.

I stopped in front on me and Quinn's condo.

She was going to choose him.

She should choose him.

The tears started rolling and I my vision became blurry. I could barely see the lock to put the key in. After a few seconds of struggling, the door opened and Quinn walked out. She took one look at me and her shoulders slumped. I tried to steel my emotions and stop crying but I ended up shaking my head as I fell into her waiting arms. It was like the dam had broken again and I couldn't stop the rush of emotions or my tears. Quinn held on to me as she backed us up into the condo and into the living room to the couch.

"Quinn, I told her everything." I said though sobs.

Quinn gasped and pulled away from me a little so she could see my face. "Really… everything?"

"Yeah." I sniffled.

"I'm guessing she didn't take it well?" She asked.

"No, she took it better than I could have asked for. She said the same thing my mom said, that it wasn't my fault. She said she wouldn't have left me if I'd told her."

Quinn smiled. "I knew she wouldn't." She wiped the tears from my face. "So what now?"

"I don't know but, Q, I just want her to choose me. I need her to give me another chance. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't."

Quinn grabbed my face in her hands. "She loves you Santana. All she ever wanted was for you to open up to her. Yeah, it took you a few years but you did."

I shook my head. "I think I'm too late. She was about to marry Sam not even 24hrs ago."

"But she di-"

I started shaking my head. "Only because I stopped it and ruined the moment."

Quinn grabbed my face more firmly. "Santana, listen to me. Brittany's crazy if she doesn't choose you."

"No, Quinn. She'd be smart. I've already caused her enough pain to last a lifetime. She didn't deserve that and I'll be damned if I cause her anymore."

"You're not that person anymore, Santana. You're that girl she fell in love with. I don't think you would be able to hurt Brittany again if you tried."

Quinn was right but I was terrified of hurting Brittany again. I never wanted to be the reason she cried ever again. I couldn't take it if I lost her again. It killed me when she left.

"But what if I mess up and she leaves me again. I couldn't handle that, Q."

"If she does, and I don't think she will, I'll be here for you. I failed at holding you together last time and I promise you it won't happen again. I promise I won't fail you as a friend ever again, Santana. If she breaks your heart again, I'll hold it together until you're ready to have it back. I'll be your shoulder and your support."

"I love you, Quinn." I said as I fell into her arms again.

Quinn maneuvered so that she could lie down on the couch and pulled me down on top of her. I buried my head into her neck as she wrapped one arm around me and ran her other hand through my hair.

"I love you too, Santana."

* * *

Quinn and I must have fallen asleep because we both jumped when we heard banging on the door.

"Santana! Santana, are you here?"

Quinn looked at me as I stared at the door.

"Santana, please. If you can hear me, I love you!"

I couldn't believe it. I looked at Quinn and she was staring at me wide eyed. I knew what I thought was happening, was really happening by the look on her face.

"Did you hear me?" The voice said softer. "I love you." Barely a whisper.

My face scrunched up as tears started their trail down my face.

Hope bloomed in my heart. I wasn't dreaming.

Brittany was outside my door, telling me she loved me.

* * *

**A/N 1: Please review?! I love reading them. This story is almost at its end. I have an idea about a sequel but I'll only do it if you guys really want it. I'm not really sure you'd like the idea.**

**Spoilers about the show below!**

**A/N 2: So I've read the spoilers about Quinntana on the show and I'm excited. Brittana's my otp but I ship Santana with Quinn and Rachel also. They're all so hot. Lol. **

**The reasons being that I love the dynamic between them and also these fanfics: ****Eyes Closed to Fingers Crossed ****(Pezberry) and ****As If We Never Said Goodbye ****(Quinntana)**

**I also think Brittana's endgame on the show. Brittany's going to go to Julliard or somewhere else in New York and be with Santana. I hope. If the writers don't fuck us over like they have all season.**

**Thanks for reading :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. I really don't have an excuse, just that I got caught up in Lost Girl. (I have a major crush on Anna Silk and her tits now. I love Kenzi and I ship Doccubus so hard. Anyhoo, I won't make you wait any longer. Enjoy.**

* * *

I sat frozen on the couch, my jaw dropped, and tears slowly trailing down my face. Had Brittany really chosen _me? _After everything I put her through and everything I told her today, was she really outside of my door? I couldn't believe it. I had to be dreaming, right?

"Q-quinn... am I dreaming?" I turned to face Quinn and saw her shaking her head no with a small smile on her face.

"No, honey, she's really out there."

"Santana?" I hear Brittany say.

I glanced at the door before turning back to Quinn. "But she just said she loves me. Q, how could she love me after everything I did?"

Quinn tilted her head to the side giving me a look I couldn't decipher. "Only she can answer that sweetie, so why don't you let her in?"

What if she just came to say goodbye?

More tears rolled down my face as I looked from Quinn's face to my lap. "I-I'm scared."

Quinn puts her hand under my chin and lifts it up. "Oh honey, I bet you're not the only one." She nods to the door. "Let her in."

I look into Quinn's eyes and she's silently encouraging me. "Go get your girl." She says with a smile.

I crack a smile back before I look back towards the door. I take a deep breath as I untangle my legs from Quinn and get up off the couch. My legs are trembling and as I slowly make my way to the door, my heartbeat picks up speed. I make it to the door and I can feel Brittany's presence behind it. I could always feel when she was around. My body always felt lighter and I was almost always instantly happier.

My heart is racing, it's so excited. My hand is trembling as I reach out for the lock. I look back at Quinn who's now standing by the couch. She gives me another smile and nods her head silently telling me it's okay. I turn back to the door and turn the lock. As soon as it clicks, the door's opening and my vision is blurred by a flash of blue and blonde as a body barrels into me. Long arms wrap around my shoulders and squeeze tight. I feel tears drop onto me as Brittany buries her head into my neck.

I finally snap out of my shock and wrap my arms around her torso just as tight as she holds me. As soon as I do, I hear heartbreaking sobs come from Brittany. Her body is quaking as she curls her fingers into my shirt pulling me even close to her. I take one hand and bring it up to the back of her head.

"Shhh shhh, sweetheart. It's okay. What is it?" I whisper into her hair.

We stood up there holding each other like that for about five minutes before Brittany's grip loosened and her sobs turned into sniffles. She pulled back enough to look into my eyes. Her eyes were red and puffy and I immediately felt a wave of sadness at the sight. I could never stand to see Brittany this way. That's the reason I always left after our fights. Her tears disarmed me like nothing else could.

She looked deep into my eyes before saying, "I love you, Santana. _So much._"

I gave her a watery smile. "Even after-"

"Yes, even after everything. I will _always_ love you. Nothing could ever make me stop feeling about you the way I do."

"I don't deserve you."

She shakes her head. "Don't you get it, Santana? You're my soul mate. We deserve each other."

More tears escape my eyes. "But I've hurt you so much, Brittany."

"Yeah you have but you've apologized and I understand." Brittany brings her hands up to cup my face and wipes away my tears with her thumb. "Now, you have the chance to make it up to me."

I gasp and then look back and forth between her eyes. "But-"

"I want to be with you, Santana." She says as she brings her face closer to mine. Before I realize what's happening, her lips are on mine. She pulls back before laying them lightly on mine again. When she pulls back again, I sigh as I follow. I grab the back of her head to keep her from pulling back and I press a more firm kiss to her lips. I trap her bottom lip in between mine as she traps my top one. I pull back a little and see Brittany slowly open her eyes. She has the cutest little smile on her face and I feel myself mirror it. But before I let myself get too happy…

"What about Sam?" I ask.

Her smile falters a little before she looks down and grabs my hand in hers.

"He's heartbroken but he's going to be okay." She says looking back at me.

I can tell that breaking up with Sam hurt her a lot. I just nod my head as I squeeze her hands in mine.

"So what now?" She asks.

"Well, I mean you came over making love declarations, I thought you had a plan." I smirk.

She rolls her eyes at me. "That was it, silly."

"That simple?" I ask with another smirk.

She smiles before her face turns serious. "I love you. You love me. It was always that simple."

"Yeah Santana, you just had to go and make everything complicated didn't you?" Quinn pipes up and Brittany chuckles. "Hi Brittany, It's nice to have you back."

"Hey, Quinn." Brittany steps back from me and walks toward Quinn to hug her. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Brittany. Are you back for good?"

Brittany turns to look at me. I smile shyly as she says, "Yeah. I'm here as long as my heart's here."

And once again, I find myself falling in love with Brittany all over again.

"Good," Quinn says, "You can _so_ take over taking care of this one." She says nodding her head to me.

"With pleasure." Brittany says as she winks at me.

Could this girl be any more perfect for me?

I clear my throat before looking at Quinn. "Way to eavesdrop Quinn, can you leave now? Brittany and I have a lot to talk about."

Quinn rolls her eyes at me before letting go of Brittany to come and hug me. I groan as she damn near lifts me up in her arms. "Don't fuck up this time." She whispers into my ear.

"I won't." I whisper back as I finally wrap my arms around her.

* * *

After Quinn leaves, Santana and I sit on the couch facing each other. We were staring at each other like we couldn't believe we were there. We had finally found our way back to each other. Before, it was like Santana had put her walls up and blocked me from getting to her. She had allowed her fears and demons to scare me away. Now, she had allowed me to come home. And God, did it feel good.

"I didn't think you'd choose me. You were doing so much better without me." She says dejectedly.

_I don't have a choice but I still choose you._

"Oh sweetheart, you're my only choice. I wasn't doing better. I missed you like crazy, Santana. All I wanted was for you to come back to me." I tell her honestly.

"I was so scared Brittany, I still am." She confesses as silent tears roll down her face.

I was scared too, but only because I knew what it was like not to have Santana in my life and I didn't like it. It didn't feel real without her. I never wanted to live like that again. There was a void that Sam couldn't fill. I didn't feel whole because I had left my heart with Santana. It hurt more than words could explain to be separated from my life essence. My life was with her and I was through trying to deny that.

"Well, we'll be scared together because I'm not going anywhere. My heart lies with you, Santana. I can't go anywhere without that, now can I?"

She lets out a sigh of relief as she pulls me into a tight hug. My own tears start to make their way down my face as I wrap my arms around her shoulders.

I was immensely happy and I was completely overwhelmed with joy. I was crying happy tears and Santana was the reason for them.

"So, what do we do now?" She asks as she pulls back from me and wipes her face.

That was a good question. A part of me wanted to take things slow, maybe go on a few dates. It would be a good idea if we got to know each other again. But, the other part of me just wanted to kiss Santana and not stop at her lips. I wanted to have hot make up sex like we used to. Our reconnection wouldn't be complete without it.

Santana must have seen what I was thinking on my face because she cocked her head sideways a little and smirked. Goddamn that smirk.

She scrunches up her face and says, "Really?"

I smile seductively while nodding my head and leaning in closer.

I see her smile right before I plant my lips on hers. I feel her hand creep into my hair while the other caresses my face. I open my mouth to let in her probing tongue and I allow it to meet mine. A second later, she's deepening the kiss while massaging my scalp. I moan into her mouth at the feel of it. I forgot how well she knew my weaknesses. She's dominating the kiss for a few minutes before I decide to take control. I lean into the kiss more as I lay my hands on her thighs. I start rubbing my thumbs along the inside of her thighs and she gasps into my mouth.

I push her back into couch while lifting my right leg up and over her lap. I break from her lips and trail my own down her pulse point. She moans as she lays her hands on my hips and then palms my ass. I start rocking my hips back and forth and I start sucking on her neck.

"God, Britt." She moans and shivers.

She brings one of her hands to the middle of my ass and dips lower, her two middle fingers now pressing into the fabric right over my pussy. I start bucking my hips into her hand as she starts to massage my clit through my jeans. I throw my head back and let out a deep moan as I start swirling my hips trying to get more friction. And I thought I was in control.

It's not enough though because I'm getting frustrated. I rip off my shirt and throw it carelessly to the floor, my bra following. I look down to see Santana staring at my boobs like she's never seen them before. Before I can tease her, she's teasing me by taking one of my nipples into her mouth and sucking hard. I hiss as she bites it before replacing her teeth with her lips to sooth it. Then, she switches to the other and does the same thing as I bring my hand up to run through her hair. She keeps repeating her actions and suddenly I'm on fire. I need more and I need it now.

I bring my hands down to cup her face and pull her head back a little. She looks up at me with a questioning look and I tell her _take me to bed._ She grins like a kid in a candy store before gripping my hips and standing up. I feel a flush of liquid between my legs as I wrap them around her waist. Santana lays kisses to my collarbone and we make our way down the hall to her room. She kicks the door open and two seconds later she's dropping me onto the bed. I watch her as she takes her shirt and bra off slowly with the sexiest smirk on her face. I bite my bottom lip because _damn. _Santana has always been the sexiest woman in the world to me. I'm a sucker for her beauty and confidence.

I watch her as she takes her jeans off and then she's only in underwear. I start scooting back up the bed as Santana climbs up and stalks me slowly like a panther after its prey. I run out of room as my back hits the headboard. Santana clicks her tongue and shakes her head a little.

"Nowhere to go now." She whispers huskily, my pussy is throbbing with want at the sound of her voice.

"Who said anything about going anywhere?" I whisper back and start unbuttoning my jeans.

Her eyes flicker to my hands as she smiles wickedly and grabs the cuffs of my jeans to pull them off. After she throws them on the floor, she runs her hands slowly up my thighs before her hands reach my underwear. She hooks her fingers in them and pulls them down all the while keeping her eyes locked on mine. My underwear joins the rest of our clothes and I watch as her eyes trail down my body to the apex of my thighs. She licks her lips and my pussy jumps with anticipation. The hunger in her eyes sends shivers down my spine and my hips lift off the bed a little. Her eyes jump back to mine at the movement and a moan escapes my lips. With her hair a little tousled, lips red and swollen, and nipples hard, Santana looks the definition of sex right now and I feel like I could explode just by her looking at me like that.

She finally crawls back up to straddle me and gives me the deepest kiss I think we've ever shared. _It's fucking soul searching_. She starts massaging my breasts and my hips lift looking for any relief I could find. I feel like one touch from Santana and I'm going to lose my shit.

"Santana, please." I beg.

At my request, she breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes. I gasp as I stare into her eyes and see the love blatantly staring back at me. An intense feeling rips through my chest from my heart and travels to my core and suddenly, I'm coming undone. My legs lock and my back arches as my hips rise high off the bed lifting Santana with the force. My eyes still locked with Santana's, a scream gets stuck in my throat as ripples of pleasure flow through my body. After what feels like forever, my ass hits the bed again and I start shaking.

"But… but… you didn't even touch me." I say dazedly after I catch my breath.

Santana chuckles before she kisses me again. After a few minutes of exploring my mouth, she starts kissing and sucking my neck. I finally come out of my post orgasm haze and realize how turned on Santana is. I feel her start rocking back and forth on my stomach leaving an unbelievable amount of wetness. I start to bring my hand down to her pussy but she just grabs it and holds it above my head. She lifts her head to look and me and shakes it. _You first, _she says. I start to protest but she grabs my other hand and plants it above my head too. She brings her head back down to my breast giving each equal attention before laying butterfly kisses down my stomach. My heart starts picking up speed as she quickly works me up again. I know where she's heading and _fuck _if my pussy don't know it too.

She makes it there excruciatingly slow but when she dips her tongue and licks a path upwards, it's so worth the wait. I hear, _hmmm_, before I feel her tongue dive between my folds. I immediately bring my hands to her head to try and keep myself grounded because Santana's mouth is doing things to me that's making me feel like I'm flying. I jerk and scream _fuck _as Santana starts tonguing my hole with abandon.

"Oh fuck, Santana. Right there baby, just like that." I let out breathlessly.

I feel the heat low in my gut begin to boil and the pressure keeps building as Santana starts to suck on my clit. Not even 10 seconds go by of her doing that before I'm bucking my pussy into her face harder and harder. I start losing control as my thighs trap Santana's head and both my hands have a tight fistful of her hair. The rubber band that was keeping me sane finally snaps and I let out a mixture curses and Santana's name as my second orgasm rushes through me. My whole body seizes then releases and I feel I gush of liquid shoot into Santana's mouth. I start twitching and jerking against her face as I ride it out.

After a few more seconds, I finally unclamp my thighs and set Santana free. My head hits the pillow and I hear Santana breathing hard. I look up to find her with the smuggest look on her face while wiping my cum off her chin. I grin up at her in a daze and she chuckles.

"T-that was…"

"Fucking hot." She says as she cuts me off.

I feel her come closer to me and then she's kissing me. With the little energy I have left, I kiss her back lazily. She deepens the kiss and I can barely keep up. My heart had been starting to slow down but now it's starting to jackhammer in my chest. It's amazing how fast she keeps working me up. I tense as I feel her left hand start making its way up my thigh.

I break the kiss to say, "Sant-," but she cuts me off with another kiss and then I'm groaning into her mouth as she shoves two fingers into me. She pumps them into me slowly at first to build me up again, but then she starts pumping harder and faster. I start panting into her mouth until she breaks the kiss and bites down on my neck hard. I let out the loudest moan yet as her teeth clench my pulse point as hard as they can without breaking the skin. She then brings her right hand up to squeeze my breast while she repositions herself on her knees. I open my legs wider as she gets behind her hand and starts pile driving her fingers into me and _my god_. My eyes start to roll into the back of my head and I'm overwhelmed with how good Santana's fucking me. She's literally fucking me into oblivion. The headboard's banging into the wall and the sound of skin smacking skin resonates through the condo. With each thrust, Santana brings me closer and closer to my third orgasm. I look up through half lidded eyes to find Santana staring at the place where her fingers are disappearing and then reappearing between my legs. She's so focused on her task, her forehead is crinkled in the middle and she has her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. She has a fine layer of sweat coating her skin and she's squeezing my left breast like it's the only thing holding her to this earth.

Heat pools low in my belly again and I know I'm about to come. I start panting Santana's name and she finally looks up at me. I can tell she's about to come also so I whisper, _come here._ And she leans down as I bring her into a kiss. My body starts to shake and then stills completely as Santana breaks the kiss to look in my eyes. My orgasm intensifies and my pussy squeezes Santana's fingers so tight. Santana's thrust loses their rhythm as she chases her own orgasm while I ride mine out. Soon, her body seizes and she lets out a guttural moan followed by, _Brittany. _She collapses on top of me and I immediately wrap my arms around her. She tucks her arms under mind and clutches my shoulders. We hold onto each other while our bodies continue to shake and tremble.

After a few minutes, our breathing returns to normal but we don't move an inch. It feels so amazing lying here with Santana on top of me after _that._ That had to be the best sex I've ever had. Santana moans as I run my fingers over her scalp through her hair. A little while later, her breathing evens out and I realize she's fallen asleep. I keep running my fingers through her hair while I trail my other hand up and down her back. God, I've missed this so much. I've missed _her. _It took a year and a lot of tears for me to realize that I would never get over Santana. I don't think I was ever meant to. And yeah, it took her stopping my wedding, but I'm glad she did. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here together. I would have been with Sam, living an almost happy but unfulfilled life. A life I didn't want. I feel like my life was always meant to include Santana. I think she knew too. That's why she didn't give up on me when I refused to go out with her. I know she still has some feelings to work through but I'm going to be right there with her. We're going to get through this together and be happy because that's what true loves do.

"I love you." I hear her mumble.

"I love you, too." I mumble back before drifting off into sleep.

* * *

**A/N: That's it folks. I want to thank you all for reading! I think I can say my first fan fic was a success. There will be an epilogue, more than likely from Santana's point of view. I still have to decide if I'm doing a sequel because the content of the epilogue will change depending on if I do or not.**

**Okay, so sequel? I don't know if I will but if I did, I'll tell you what it would be about. At the end of chapter 4, Brittany thought this, "I knew who I wanted to be with but there was one thing she didn't know. I didn't even know for sure." She's talking about the fact that her period's late a week and she may be pregnant with Sam's baby. The sequel would deal with Brittany being in fact pregnant and the three of them dealing with everything that's happened, doubts from Santana on whether or not she wants to stick around, and if she does, the three of them raising a baby.**

**Review and let me know what you thought of the chapter and if you would like that sequel or not.**

**Peace :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Hi! So this is it. I'm not exactly happy with it but I hope you guys enjoy it. I would have had it out sooner but I got hung up writing another story. You should check it out after you read this.

* * *

_"Brittany, you are the light of my life. You loved me at a time when I didn't even love myself. You loved me when I least deserved it because you knew I really needed you to. You loved me despite myself and you saved me. You pulled me from the deepest, darkest depths of my soul where I laid curled in a ball terrified of anyone getting too close because I thought I wasn't good enough. I thought I was unworthy of being loved but you loved me anyway. You took my hand and pulled me into the light where you showed me how to love and be loved again. I pushed you away but you always came back. You fought for us when I had given in. There are no words to describe how much I appreciate you being there for me. I love you more than I ever thought I could. I love you with the breath, the smile, and the tears of my life. You're every drop of blood in my veins and every breath I take. All I want is to love you for the rest of my life. Who is my love but the soul of my soul." _

_Tears slid down my face as I slid Brittany's wedding ring onto her finger. A ring that would stay there until the day we died. I looked up to find her face mirrored mine. I mouthed 'I love you' and she repeated. _

_"Santana, I have loved you since that first night we spent together. We had a rough few years but we've worked through all of that and now here we are making promises to love each other forever. I always felt that we were meant to be. No amount of pain or tears could tell me otherwise. So as I stand up here today with you, believe every word I say because nothing truer has ever left my lips. I love you enough to fight for you, enough to sacrifice myself for you if I need to. I love you enough to miss you when we're apart no matter the amount of time or distance. I believe in our relationship and I'll stand by it through the worst of times. I have faith in our strength as a couple and I will never give up on us. I promise to give you strength when you are weak and catch your tears when you cry. I promise to bring you back to life if ever you feel like dying and I will never let you feel alone in this world. I promise to make you smile and laugh and make love to you like it's our last time every time. I promise to always trust you and spill my soul to you. I promise you my heart and each and every beat. Santana, I promise to love you until the end of time."_

_There's a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat after hearing Brittany's vows. Before she's even able the slip the ring all the way on my finger, I'm throwing my arms around her neck and kissing her like my life depended on it. _

_"We're married." Brittany whispers as she breaks the kiss._

_"We're married." I repeat with the biggest smile on my face._

* * *

Brittany and I got married two years after we got back together. It was a very low key wedding with only a few guests in attendance. Brittany's parents, plus her little sister Ashley came. And, of course the Fabrays along with Quinn and Rachel. Quinn was my maid of honor while Brittany chose Ashley. Rachel wasn't over the moon about it. Britt told her what I had done and she was shocked, or maybe scared, into silence. She refused to even come around me. I didn't mind though because she was annoying as shit. Her voice drove me up the wall so whenever I was around her, I'd give her a death glare that shut her up immediately.

My therapist, Emma Pillsbury came too. Not long after Brittany and I got back together, we went for couple's counseling with her. We wanted to get all of our issues and concerns out in the open. We wanted to talk about all the feelings we had so we could get off to a great start. It took a few months but it was worth it. Britt and I got a clean slate and our lives were never better. It was the best day of my life. We even got to go on honeymoon that the Fabrays paid for as a wedding gift.

Brittany and I moved to Marysville, California where I'm now a resident at Rideout Memorial Hospital. Brittany owns her own dance studio where practically the whole town brings their kids. Marysville isn't very big or overpopulated and we love it. It's not like the outback or anything but it's pretty country enough for Brittany. I research all the cities in the country side of California and wrote them down. Brittany put them in a hat and pulled. I couldn't argue with her because the place is beautiful. There are two lakes and the view as the sun sets across them is amazing. It's a great place to raise our kids.

Speaking of kids, I should probably mention that last night I gave birth to a baby girl. She has a head full of dark hair and her eyes are just as dark. We chose a donor that resembled Brittany, but she has nothing for him. She looks exactly like me and Brittany's very excited about that. _It's the best thing ever, baby. You're beautiful and our daughter's beautiful and you're my girls. _I was scared shitless about having a baby but we wanted to start our family right away. Well, Brittany wanted to start our family right away because she wants to have 5-6 now. I almost choked on my beer when she casually mentioned that. _With whose vagina? _Then she said _how about 4? _I still don't know about that because I don't want to spend the rest of my life pregnant. Having a baby and being a mom, feels terrifying. I'm just glad I have Brittany because she's perfect with her. It warms my heart to see Brittany snuggle her and talk to her. You would think that I'd be freaking out about having a family after what happened with mine but I'm actually determined. I'm determined to never let my family fall apart. They mean the world to me.

* * *

Today, Brittany and I are visiting my mom's and Consuela's gravesites. I haven't been there since we buried my mom. It's been 13 years. Emma said that this would be the last phase in my therapy. I had to visit their graves and talk to them. My mom, my dad, and Consuela are buried right next to each other.

Brittany has my hand in a tight grip as we walk up to them. When I see their names on the headstones, my chest gets heavy and tears well up in my eyes. I kneeled down and laid flowers on all three graves and then I began to speak.

"Hey guys, it's been a while huh? I'm sorry about that, I've just been a little busy you know. I graduated from med school at the top of my class and now I'm a resident specializing in the cardiothoracic field. I'm also married and I have a kid now. You should be proud of me."

I look to my mom's grave. "You hear that mom. I have you to thank especially for that. You encouraged me to be driven and excel at my academics, at anything I wanted to do, really. I'm so sorry I ended your life because I desperately wanted to see your face filled with pride as I got my diploma. I sure could have used you holding my other hand as I gave birth to your granddaughter too. I'm so sorry you're missing out on getting to know her."

I had to pause and take a deep breath because I was getting choked up. After a minute, I looked to my dad.

"And dad, I would have loved to have you deliver her. I know you were a surgeon but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We didn't end on the greatest of notes but I just want you to know that I forgive you. If you would have just stayed with me, we could have gotten through our heartache over losing mom together. I wouldn't have been so _broken. _I wouldn't have felt unworthy of this beautiful girl's love standing behind me. I wouldn't have broken her heart the way you broke mine. But, I still forgive you because that's what a family is about, love and forgiveness. "

Last but not least… The tears were flowing now just thinking about her.

"Mi ninera, oh how I've missed you. Do you know how special you were to me? You were my everything, Consuela. Guess what? I met a girl and fell in love and then I pushed her away. I know exactly what you would have said had you still been alive. _Idiota, godisculpasahora mismo!_ (You idiot, go apologize right now!) She came back to me though and now we're married. She's my everything now. But you, you will always have a special place inside of my heart. I named my daughter after you. She's gorgeous and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mom. I'm going to raise her the way you raised me. She going to love and love hard. She's also going to be whom and what she wants. Just like you always wanted for me."

I stood up and Brittany immediately stepped to my side and grabbed my hand in both of hers. I wiped my tears with the other.

"I'll try to visit more often. I may even bring little Consuela and introduce you. I love you guys and I'll see you in another life, okay."

Brittany hugged me as I broke down in her arms. I felt like the entire world had been lifted from my shoulders and I was instantly relieved. All my negative feelings I had were gone. I had forgiven myself and my family and I felt great. I felt _healed _and it was all thanks to this beautiful woman holding me in her arms. My true love.

"I love you so much, Brittany."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

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**The End!**

**Thank you guys so much for reading! Please review! And be sure to check out my other story, "Not Ready to Say Goodbye." It's a sad one though so don't read if you don't want to cry.**

**I love you guys!**


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